


Lights Will Guide You Home

by HookedonCS, LovingCSFanfiction



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, Multi, Season 3 Finale, collaborations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 17:33:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2516069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HookedonCS/pseuds/HookedonCS, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingCSFanfiction/pseuds/LovingCSFanfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic is based on Tumblr's anything-goes-for-cs-prose's (almister12's)  gifset with the same title.  When Emma and Killian came back from the past, instead of Elsa coming to Storybrooke, Graham never died. The whole town thinks that Emma and Graham have been in a relationship ever since Emma came to Storybrooke two years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Do you think Rumplestiltskin is right?” Emma saw the intrigue of her query all over his face. “I’m in the book now. He said that everything besides our little adventure would go back to normal. Do you think that it is?”

“He’s right,” Killian affirmed, looking wistful in his assuredness. “Otherwise I would remember that damned bar wench I’d kissed.”

_Just one of many shared and secret moments between the two of them. ___

“Thank you for bringing me home, Killian.”

It wasn’t the only thing she could have said to him, but it was the safest. Their journey back in time was… she didn’t know how to describe it. It was indescribable. It was a journey in which allowed her to discover things about her life and her past that she never knew even existed. And she never realized how important it was to acknowledge those parts of her life that were only tales in books- fairytales at that.

Staring at the man beside her, Emma knew that a lot of that discovery was because of him. It was Killian who had risked his life to go through a portal. For her. It was Killian who had shared with her every dangerous facet of finding their way back. To home. And it was Killian who had believed in her the entire time, allowing her to believe again in herself.

So thank you, in its simplest of forms, was what she had to offer him in this moment.

He, with his modest of smirks, watched her closely.

“Did you ever think I wouldn’t?” he asked her softly.

As she watched him, she couldn’t help but acknowledge the change. In herself. In him. In them.

Emma gave him the tiniest of smiles. “There was a brief moment of… hesitation.” She shrugged. “I was worried.”

Killian’s fingers found their way to a strand of her hair that was hung over her shoulder.

“I knew you had it in you, Swan.” His smile was sudden. His gaze fell away from the slipping piece of hair from his fingers and he found her eyes again.

The look she saw in those eyes was a bit scary. They held too much. They were saying too much.

It was the type of look she had constantly run from. It was a look that said he wanted to divulge more, and he would if only she didn’t turn away. But this time she didn’t turn her back to him.

Emma had discovered what true love looked like. She had th

e chance to see it with her own eyes as her parents fell in love right before her. It had been an eye-opening experience.

And it made her not want to run. Not this time.

“You saw it in me when I couldn’t see it in myself,” she whispered gently shaking her head.

Killian tipped his chin down, searching for… she didn’t know what.

“It would have come to you. You’re a bloody hero, Swan.”

She quirked an eyebrow in surprise. “So are you… Killian.”

That stare. That gaze they shared between them as time seemed to stand still.

“You have a certain ability in drawing the good out in me,” Killian said in way of answer.

It was his way of downplaying all of his good deeds. But she was sure he understood just how much he had done for her during their relationship.

Emma wondered what was going through his mind as his fingers hovered just over hers on the table and he quietly watched her.

It was the caress of those same fingers to her cheek as he comforted her about her mom just hours ago that crossed her own mind. It was the way he opened up to her about his brother for the first time. It was the way he held her while they danced and the way he treated her like the princess she never believed herself to be. It was the realization that in the Enchanted Forest, everything that Killian had tried to be for her in her real world was only magnified in his. And she no longer wanted to deny that.

“Killian?”

His hand closed over hers.

“Aye?”

It was a delicate and careful smile that reached her lips. And maybe she wanted something else to reach her lips.

There was not a hint in hesitation as she moved closer. Before her eyes closed, she caught the hint of him moving toward her as well.

They had kissed before, but it had never felt like this.

Killian’s finger’s found their way to sift through her hair. It was a gently stroke, slightly bringing her closer to him.

Emma could feel the quickening of her heartbeat. Her hands inched up, cautiously, carefully, until she hit the nape of his neck.

The soft kiss was so foreign compared to their other kisses that she wasn’t surprised by Killian’s sudden drawback.

Emma’s eyes opened straight up to look at him. There was an intensity there, but it felt completely right.

She saw the tiny intake of breath he took before he brought his lips back to hers. And then he was kissing her again. And she was once again treated to the overwhelming feeling of… something more than just the physical.

Her mouth slid slowly over his, exploring in this kiss something she had never taken time to explore before.

It wasn’t the adrenaline of another job well done. It was the rush of heat that Killian caused to rush through her body. This time, Emma wouldn’t deny the man who…

No time for definitions now. There was only time for clarity that this was real and true.

“Emma.”

The murmur of her name sounded wonderfully comforting.

Killian’s hand came up to cup her chin. His forehead fell against hers and his eyes met hers.

He was asking her, silently, about this moment.

Emma’s mouth open in hopes of putting words to all her feelings. But she didn’t have anything at the moment.

Instead, she let out a breath of air and let it hit his face. With only a slight hitch of her shoulder, she moved closer to lay against him.

****

“Are… you sure you don’t want to join us?”

She wished he would join her back in the diner. But he seemed hesitant to do so.

“I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep up the charade nor keep my hands off of you, love,” Killian said with a mischievous and dashing grin on his face. “Anyway, this is a special moment for you and your family.”

“That includes you as well, Killian,” Emma whispered softly. It was true. He was as much as a part of her life and her family as anyone else in Granny’s diner right now.

Killian took her hand in his. His smile was full of love- and as scary as _that _thought was, it also made her feel warm inside.__

“Make me a promise, Emma,” he told her, letting his hook lightly glide over her waist.

And she smiled back, a dazzling smile that she knew conveyed all the excitement she was feeling.

“What is it?”

“When your evening has come to a close and all of your duties are fulfilled, meet me in my room tonight.” He shook his head. “No matter the hour, love, I will be waiting for you.”

Emma nodded, feeling slightly overwhelmed.

She wanted this. Whatever this was. It was Killian. And it was her. And maybe there was a chance that they could be _them _together.__

“I’ll be there.”

Killian’s smile was small, but full of trust and belief.

“Until tonight then, Emma.”

She reached up for his mouth in a quick and easy kiss. It was surprising at how comfortable and breathtaking it had been.

He held her tight and let his lips linger for just a moment longer.

“I… need to get back inside.”

Killian nodded in agreement.

“I’ll be waiting, Emma.”

She nodded again. Finally, she slipped out of his arms.

Just a brief lift of her fingers in a wave was her goodbye to him. She watched in curious awe as he backed away, leaving her in a daze of new thoughts and feelings.

Emma shook her head, trying to free her mind of the clutter that was her prospect of a new start.

She pushed through the door of the diner, being met by the buzz of the naming coronation of her baby brother Neal.

Killian had said he didn’t want to disturb her family thing, but she couldn’t help but wonder how they would break the news to her parents. And to Henry. How would they take the news of… she still didn’t know what to call it. He was…

There was no need to rush trying to specify each detail. It was just enough that they were moving towards this path.

Killian was a man who had been open about his feelings for her. Even if it was guided under close protection- because maybe neither of them were ready for the rejection that was so freely available by the other one.

So maybe her family would be a little wary. Or maybe they would see in her how happy the thought of exploring this thing with Killian made her, and then they would be happy, too. And then again maybe that would be pushing it.

Emma sighed to herself as she scanned the diner. So many smiling faces. This had been an incredibly happy time for the town.

The one face she didn’t see was Killian’s. She wished he would have come in with him. This new thing should have been explored now. To leave each other after sharing what she considered to be their first real kiss seemed a bit unfair. She understood, but she just wondered what it would be like if he’d stay.

“Emma.”

Her name stopped her dead in her tracks. It wasn’t her name, but the voice that had called her. It seemed close. It seemed unbelievably close. Because, in all honesty, that voice could come from nowhere but the grave.

She felt the thrumming of her heartbeat as she slowly scanned the room for who had called her.

“Emma.”

And then it was crystal clear.

He was sitting in the booth as if it was the most normal thing to be doing. He was sitting in the booth as if she had not held him in her arms as he lay there dying in front of her. He was sitting there as if she had not seen his body being lowered into the ground for the last time.

He was sitting there in the booth.

Graham was sitting there.

How could her eyes be deceiving her in the way that they were? How was he able to take her breath away so effectively?

Emma walked stiffly the few feet away to the booth where a ghost had sat so casually, smiling up at her.

“Graham?” His name came out as an awkward croak. She knew her face must be a picture of torment and total devastation.

“What took you so long, Emma?” he asked with a shake of his head.

His question only confused her more.

Emma closed her mouth, only now noticing how dry it was from hanging open all that time.

“Graham?” She tried to find her voice as she leaned into the table. This was impossible. “What are you doing here?”

His smile was slow as he did his own scrutinizing of her face.

“I’m doing the same thing as you are: celebrating the birth of your brother, Neal.”

Emma’s eyes went wide. There was no way that this was happening. Graham wouldn’t know anything about Neal. How was he here? Who was doing this?

“You can’t be here,” she whispered, feeling the ache in her chest as she visibly saw that he was indeed here.

Graham leaned over, peering over her closely.

“What are you taking about, Emma.” His shrug was faint and the confusion so clear on his face. “Where else would I be?”

He looked just the same. He sounded just the same.

It was all flooding back to her. Their short but significant relationship. He had wanted to open up to her. And Emma had finally chosen to open up to him. It had taken a lot to share a part of herself again with someone. And Graham, for all of his mystery in the then-mysterious and sleepy town, had been willing to open up to her. It was something he had seemed to crave to have the ability to do.

He was here now, looking at her as if she was the oddity and not…

It was her trip to the past.

_He _r trip. No, her trip with _Killian _to the past.____

_Killian _.__

Who was upstairs in his room right now.

_Graham. ___

What had they done? Nothing was supposed to change. And something very significant had changed.

“Emma?” Graham whispered, looking all the more concerned. His hand reached out for her.

Emma was quick to step back. She couldn’t do this. It was too much.

She thought outside with Killian would be too much. Yet she came into the diner and encountered something more than her heart could take.

“I… I can’t…” She shook her head and tried not to trip over her feet as she backed away. “I can’t… because this isn’t… right. This isn’t true.”

Emma felt the sudden oncoming of her shutdown.

Part of her didn’t want to go. But there was a larger part of her that could not stay and face the repercussions of what she’d done during her journey.

She and Killian had believed themselves to have been safe in preserving the future. That nothing had changed. But they were wrong. They had brought…

Graham was back.

Emma watched as he slowly slipped from the booth.

She didn’t want him to follow her. She couldn’t handle this. Not by herself.

If Killian had been there, he would have been the backbone to facing all of her doubts and her fears. Just as he did in Rumplestiltskin’s vault. Just as he had done countless times. But he wasn’t there to help her in this instantaneous and monumental moment in her upturned world.

She needed Killian. She needed to feel stable. That was not going to happen here.

Emma only spared him another quick glance before she turned and ran out of the diner. She couldn’t look back. Looking back was too painful.

****

“Emma!”

This was unreal, Emma thought with wide eyes. Her steps felt stilted and fast. She just had to get away.

He was following her. He was close.

“Emma! Wait.”

She couldn’t slow down. It didn’t stop him from catching up with her. Emma felt his hand close tightly around her arm, yanking her to a stop.

Graham had the nerve to have eyes as wide-set as hers. She knew he didn’t understand what was going on. But he had no right to look at her that way.

He shook his head. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Emma. What is wrong with you? Talk to me.”

She felt like she was going to go hysterical. This couldn’t be happening to her.

When he pulled her into his arms, she went completely still.

His face brightened a second before he reached for her face, pulling her in for a kiss.

Emma’s eyes closed automatically at the feel of his lips on hers. She could feel the prickling of possible tears behind those eyes.

This was Graham. And he was kissing her like he had all the right in the world. As far as she was concerned, no matter what had brought him to this state, he had no right to kiss her like that.

Emma pushed him away from her at the same time she stepped away.

“What the hell are you doing?” God, her life was spinning too fast and she couldn’t get a grasp on it. Her heart was going crazy, and she didn’t know how long it would be before it exploded in her chest.

“It’s been a long day and I wanted to kiss my wife,” Graham said with a wary sigh.

The ground could have opened up and swallowed her whole because she couldn’t believe the statement he had just made. Was she supposed to believe that she was…

“What?”

***

The door opened and Emma was greeted by a warm smile and twinkling eyes.

It broke her heart a bit because she didn’t know how Killian was going to react to her news. She, herself, was at odds about all the emotions she being thrown at her.

“Emma, love,” he murmured softly. “I wasn’t expecting you this soon.” He moved away from the door to allow her to enter the room.

She was only a bit hesitant. A bit wary of how to broach the scenario she had just come from.

It had been Graham. Not only had she brought him back from the dead, but apparently she was married to him.

She had no memories of this alternate timeline. The only thing she knew to be certain was that she had lost him so long ago. And yet now she was supposed to believe that they were this happily married couple?

What about Killian?

Emma let out a deep breath and walked more assuredly into the room.

“We have a problem.”

“So soon?” Killian’s mouth turned grim at the sight of her. “What is it now?”

Emma stared straight at him, not knowing how to begin. All she had was this _crazy _story that would change everything about them.__

“Emma?” He looked confused by her silence.

She needed another deep inhale and exhale of breath from her before she could even start this story.

“We were wrong.” Emma couldn’t shake the worry from her face. “We did change something.”

Killian was moving slowly towards her, his hand held out towards her. She was sure that he could tell that she was shaken up by something.

“What is it? What did we change?”

Emma licked her lips nervously. She couldn’t believe she was going to actually say the words that were ultimately true. She had seen it with her eyes. She had spoken with this ghost. It seemed impossible, but the truth had stared her in the face. The truth had kissed her.

And even though she had stopped him, there had still been a part of her that had liked it.

What was she thinking?

“Emma?” Killian asked again. “What is it?”

She stared up at him. “We brought someone back. He was dead. And now he’s very much alive.”

The look he gave her was full of misunderstanding.

“Who? Who are you talking about?”

“It’s Graham,” she answered with a sigh. “Graham is… alive.”

Killian shook his head slowly in slight confusion. “Graham?”

Emma pressed her hands tightly together, only wringing them a tiny bit in her desperate state.

“Graham,” she urged, wanting him to remember. “He was the sheriff when I first came to town. He… He’s the one who…”

Killian reached for her hands. Or maybe more specifically, her wrist.

“The previous owner of the string,” Killian murmured, now recalling the name. The string had momentarily skipped her mind. 

It was a conversation that they had had before briefly. The significance of that piece of string had been enough to start a conversation about just how she had come in possession of it. They hadn’t gone into details. But in this moment, she believed that Killian may have thought he understood even greater now.

Maybe it was what he was reading on her face and in her body language that made his lips draw a single firm line. She didn’t believe that he looked upon the scenario as good news.

Killian tilted his chin back, eyeing Emma suspiciously.

“This dead man you opened your heart up to is back in Storybrooke,” he muttered thickly. He was trying to engage some sort of reaction out of what this meant. To her.

She had not even told him the other part of the news. The part where she herself couldn’t fully grasp. So how was he going to take it?

Emma’s frown deepened as she watched the confusion in his face grow.

“Yes.” She searched his eyes, knowing what she was about to say was going to hurt. “And he thinks we’re married.”

Killian eyes rose to the ceiling, half turning away from her. She couldn’t make out the string of curses, but the agitation and disbelief was apparent.

Emma bit down on her lip. Facing Graham and his story of a happily ever after between them for the past two years had seemed difficult enough. To think that she, Emma Swan, would have truly been able to open up to someone that easily at that point in her life didn’t seem plausible. Graham had been taken at such a delicate time in her life. But to just imagine that he was able to get through to her and make her love him was an astounding thought.

If Graham had not died then she would have made a life with him.

And she would have never experienced this thing with Killian. This thing that made her so happy. He had been a constant fixture of safety and growth and the ability to believe in herself. It was Killian. Not Graham.

But now it was Graham…

Killian turned back to fully look at her. His mouth was once again grim as he took inventory of her.

She could only imagine what was running through his mind.

“What does that mean for us?” he asked, his voice sounding raspy.

So it hadn’t taken long to find out what he was thinking: them. What this meant for them. If she was a married woman just as suddenly as she was in this new budding relationship with him, what was her choice? What decision was she going to make?

Emma’s mouth hung open slightly for just a moment as she tried to think of an answer to not only his question but the questions she had for herself.

Eyes wide and full of sadness, she gave the only reply she had.

“I don’t know.”

****

Tiny town allowed for easy access to one another.

Emma watched with worry as Graham crossed Main to reach her on the other side of the street.

She didn’t run. She didn’t want to run. Because this was a miracle unto itself.

“Emma.” His face was full of worry as he came up to grab her by the arms. 

“Emma, where have you been? You didn’t come home last night. I was worried sick about you.”

She blinked his face into focus. It was still an odd occurrence, seeing his face right there in front of her. His scent enveloping her lungs in a way that made her want to cry out.

“I… I stayed in the loft… with my parents,” she whispered.

There was no way that she could explain to him that he was supposed to be dead. There was no way that she could explain to him that she remembered nothing of this supposed wonderful life that they’d shared all this time. She would have to play along with this game until she figured out how to handle the situation.

So Emma would play the role of wife to Graham Humbert…

“You couldn’t call?” he asked with a tiny laugh. “You didn’t think I’d care to know where my wife was all night long?”

Emma could do nothing but blink her thoughts into focus.

“I must have fallen asleep early,” she said in way of apology. “I wanted to help my parents, but I guess I was just knocked out.”

He watched her closely, but a smile lifted his lips.

“What?” Emma asked warily. Why was he watching her like that? It was making her nervous.

Graham stepped back so that he got a full view of her.

“I know why you’ve been acting weird lately.”

Her arms crossed over her chest and she looked up at her through lowered lashes.

“You do?”

There was no way in the world that he did. She was only curious as to where his mind would go since he believed that they had been together in all this time.

“Yes.” His smile grew sheepish. “It’s okay to be scared to have a baby. We can wait.”

Emma’s gaze was transfixed in a look of trained calmness. It took a lot of strength to not turn around and run.

_A baby? They were trying to have a baby?_

_“You’re right,” she agreed firmly. She strived for that calmness in her voice to stay there as she tried to mentally comprehend her situation. “That’s what has been bothering me.”_

_A baby! They were trying to have a baby! ___

“I must ask,” Graham started with a slight frown, “what has changed? Just last week you wanted to start a family.”

_A week ago! ___

“My mom just had her baby,” Emma said with a shake of her head. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s not the right time. She’s going to really appreciate the help. And if I’m busy trying…”

She couldn’t even finish that sentence because it conjured up images that she really didn’t want right now.

Graham reached for her and pulled her into his arms. He placed a kiss on her temple before hugging her tight.

“I understand,” he assured her. “If you want to wait a few months before we start trying- or even a year- that’ll be fine.” He pulled her back so that he could smile in her face. “We’ll have our family eventually. Just like we’ve always planned.”

Emma could feel the stutter of her heart.

Is that what she wanted? A family of her own? With Graham?

It felt nice being held in his arms.

God, what had her life become?

“I’m heading over to the station,” Graham said. “Are you coming with me?”

Because he was the sheriff and she was his deputy. Right…

Emma shook her head. “Not right now. I have some things to take care of first.” She looked up at him to meet his eyes. “I’ll meet you over there?”

Graham nodded. “Sounds like a plan. I’m going to get going then.” He stepped back away from her and offered an amazingly beautiful smile. “I love you, Emma.”

She was stuck for a reply. Her eyes traveled the length of him before meeting his eyes once again.

“I… love you, too.”

Emma watched as he turned back around to walk down the street.

She swallowed the dryness of her throat.

Damn, her life.

****

Killian took a seat next to her on the bench.

“How did you find me?” She look up at him.

He lifted a shoulder in an innocent shrug. “Call it intuition.”

They were each quiet for a moment. They hadn’t come up with any solution the other night. Neither knew what was going to happen. But it was a foregone conclusion that it was Emma’s decision to make.

They had had an amazing adventure back in time. Could they really categorize it as being some hours ago? And now look how everything had changed!

Emma was a married woman to a man she honestly could love and be fulfilled with. But she had another man in her life who she had believed she wanted to give that chance to.

She just didn’t know…

Emma turned to look at Killian to see him staring out at the pond before them.

“I don’t know what to do, Killian,” she told him with a shake of her head. “He thinks… he thinks I want to have a baby with him.”

She didn’t want to hurt him, but she had to be honest with him. Graham had been a part of her life fictitiously for all this time. In actuality though, it had been Killian. And he meant so much to her.

When he finally turned his gaze to her, his face had a hint of strained pain.

“Talk to the crocodile.”

His solution was one to think about. Maybe Rumplestiltskin would have some idea.

“It was he who said that everything would stay the same. The future should have been preserved. Maybe he could shed some light on this predicament.”

Emma saw the hope on his face. Hope for a quick and easy solution that would help Emma make her decision.

“He’ll know what to do.”

Emma nodded.

It was maybe her best option. There was nothing else that she could think to do.

“I’ll find him,” she assured Killian. “I’ll talk to him. This can’t continue to go on like this.”

He didn’t say anything. He just nodded in answer.

Neither one of them knew what the outcome would be. But there had to be one soon. Her heart wouldn’t be able to take it any other way.


	2. Chapter 2

“Mrs. Humbert.”

It was the ringing of the bell that had drawn his attention to her. His curious glance at her held no pretense of what might have brought her to his shop at that time.

Emma felt the immediate frown at the mention at her name that wasn’t her name. Not really. But she guessed that it really was her name, in this alternate reality. It only strengthen her resolve to get everything straightened out.

_Mrs. Humbert. _That wasn’t her. And yet everyone in town believed it to be so.__

The back and forth of those thoughts swirled around her mind. She wasn’t going to be able to live her life in between two realities. And that’s where he came in.

“Is there… something that I can do for you?” Gold asked from behind his counter. He was watching her with a natural curiosity. His eyes met hers easily as he continued tinkering with one of his many trinkets in the pawn shop.

“That’s what I was hoping,” Emma answered. Her steps were long and strong, her face a mask of determination to get this right.

Gold’s eyebrows lowered as he continued to watch her.

“What is it that I can do for you?” he asked after a moment of silence. “It may not look as if I’m busy, but-“

“Do you remember our meeting in the Enchanted Forest?” Emma asked, cutting him off. Because she really didn’t have time for his explanation of having more important things to do other than to entertain her. “You helped me and Killian to fix it so that my parents would meet.”

Gold only hinted a small smile to her. “Of course I remember. You had gotten yourself in quite the quandary at the time. You’d almost ruined-“

“You said that as long as we didn’t make any further changes other than the ones we fixed, then everything would stay the same.”

Emma pressed her hands down flat onto the glass counter and she peered into a bland and expressionless face of Gold’s.

“That is correct,” he confirmed slowly. He took a step back and gave her a long and lingering stare. “And true.”

“I’m married!” Emma yelled.

That earned her the briefest of smiles. “I’m well aware of your marriage, Mrs. Humbert.”

“I _wasn’t _married two days ago,” she told him as she leaned over the counter.__

He still seemed unaffected by her statement. A slight raise of his eyebrow was the only noticeable change in him.

“Two days ago, I was a single mother to my son. Two days ago, we defeated the Wicked Witch, and I was on my way back to New York City- just me and my son. Killian and I returned from the past just a night ago. We were…” Emma shook her head because that part of the story was irrelevant right now. “We were supposed to keep my parents together and everything else was supposed to stay the same. But it didn’t. Because everyone believes that I’ve been here all this time and that I’m married to Graham.”

The fact that Gold only stood there silently as she spilled her story was all the more aggravating. Her life had been tossed up in the air, and there was only one person beside herself who understood. But she aimed to make that two before this conversation ended.

Emma saw the miniscule twitch of his eyes and they looked her over.

“Well, Mrs. Humbert, obviously you changed something in the past,” Gold told her matter-of-factly. “You changed something besides that of your parents meeting.”

Emma swallowed the hard lump of _something _in her throat. Her mind raced, trying to come up with a moment she could have done _anything _that would have affected Graham being there.____

She could feel the increase of her heart rate, and she looked back at the man who stood before her.

“He died.”

Gold was slow to shake his head. “What do you mean he died?”

“Originally,” Emma explained. “Not only am I not supposed to be married to him, Graham was supposed to had died not long after I made it to Storybrooke.”

Gold slapped his hand down on the counter. “Well, you save a man’s life. What is the problem? Other than the sheriff living, has there been any other changes you noticed due to your trip back in time?”

Emma was slow to shake her head. “No. But this is serious enough all on its own. Gold, I need your help.”

“My help?” Gold asked with a chuckle. “What am I to do? The past was changed. There is no way to go back and undo what you did.” He stepped farther back. It seemed as if he was losing interest in her problems with each passing second.

He wasn’t offering any kind of help or a solution to her problems. He was literally turning his back on her.

“There has to be something that I can do,” Emma told him, her eyes growing wide as she watched his back. “I’m not supposed to be married to Graham.” She was now talking more to herself than to him. She had to get a handle on this situation. “He’s alive. That’s… excellent. It’s great. But I’m not supposed to be married to him. Killian…”

“The pirate?” It was spat out.

Gold turned around to face her again, his face contorted in disgust.

“This is about the pirate?”

Emma could only blink at him, caught off guard by him drawing that conclusion.

“I wasn’t with Graham,” she reminded him softly.

“And you want the pirate? What you’re really asking me is how to get back to the pirate.”

Killian and Gold had their history. Nothing was going to change that.

Emma’s tongue wet her lip nervously as she watched him.

“There has to be something,” she said again, almost pleading for him to agree with her.

“There is something that you can do,” he confirmed, only glancing her way.

“What is it?” He couldn’t be giving her false hope. He was her best and last hope. “Gold? What can I do to fix this?”

He turned around to her then, meeting her eyes with a cold stare.

“Be his wife.”

Emma felt the instant grim set of her lips at his words, as well as the drop of her sinking heart.

“Make this life real, Mrs. Humbert,” he snarled. “You better forget Hook and get used to Graham.”

“But…”

“Look at it this way.” Gold’s smile was instant, his eyes lighting up.

It only made Emma nervous. She knew it was for good reason.

“This is the life that you would have had had Graham not died. You would have married him. The only thing that has changed- according to you- is that he lived. So forget about the pirate, my dear, and accept the fact that you are Mrs. Graham Humbert.”

“Gold,” Emma started, a sigh on her lips.

“I told you of the repercussions of changing anything in the past,” he cut her off. His face had grown fierce, eyes narrowing on her and his mouth tight. “The life that you remember is no longer true. I suggest that you forget about it. The _reality _is what you have in front of you. That is what happens when you go back in time and change things.” He shook his head fiercely. “This…” A grand gesture of sweeping fingers highlighted his point. “…is not an alternate life. This is real. Get use to it.”__

Watching him, looking at the finality that encompassed his words and that grave look on his face, Emma felt torn.

“It’s not,” she whispered, feeling the absolute depths of what he was drilling into her head.

Gold’s head cocked to the side, and he watched her closely.

“It is, _Mrs. Humbert,” _he assured her. “So I suggest that you do stop trying to right a supposed wrong and accept it as fact. Do not put this town through any unnecessary strife. This is our life. This is what we know. It would be best if you remembered your lot in this world as savior. Leave this town with its peace.”__

It made her heart pound. Her title.

_Savior. The bringer of happy endings. ___

Besides Killian, everyone in the town seemed to have that…

Gold turned away from her then, apparently done with listening or doling out advice.

_Mrs. Graham Humbert. ___

It wasn’t supposed to be her life. And yet now it was.

Gold had not given her the feedback she had hoped for. He had said all the things she had not wanted to hear.

Everyone was happy.

Let everyone remain happy.

He had only left her with more confusion. More hurt. More decisions.

And there was no simple or easy way out of this one.

****

“Emma, stop!”

And she did, right in her tracks. Her eyes closed and a small sigh escaped from her lips.

If she had known that Killian would have been in the diner then she wouldn’t have stepped inside. She had thought she had seen him first. She knew that she had seen him first. But it didn’t mean that she could slip back out of the door (those damned jingling of bells above her head) before he saw her at all.

Killian was walking slowly toward her. He looked like all business, with the scowl covering his face and his hand caressing over the hook.

“Where are you running off to?” he asked in a murmur as he stood only inches away from her.

Emma was already backed against the door. He was too close.

“Don’t do this here,” she whispered. She looked away from him to watch the patrons of the diner. There weren’t many, but she didn’t want to have this conversation when anyone else was in earshot.

“Do what?” He was visibly upset, and she understood why. “Are you…avoiding me, Swan?”

Emma’s chin shot up as her eyes narrowed on him.

“Not here.” With her hand against the door, she pushed it open. Only then, when she had the room, did she turn around and walk away.

Main Street was just as sparse as she walked back away from the diner.

Killian was in toe, and quickly caught up to her.

“Swan.”

Emma stopped, because he deserved the truth. And she was the only one who was going to be able to give it to him.

He was watching her closely. He didn’t touch her, but maybe he wanted to. She could tell that he was reading the despair she silently carried on her.

“Did you do it?” he asked quietly. “Did you talk to the crocodile?”

Emma mentally rolled her eyes. She needed to talk to him. She just had not planned on doing it so soon. She still needed time. But he was here. So…

“I talked to Gold this morning,” she conceded, not quite meeting his eyes.

“And… I am to assume that the news was not to your liking,” he concluded slowly.

Emma looked back at him and saw the grim set of his mouth.

“What did he say, Emma?”

She stepped back, needing a little more space between them. Her hands folded over her chest and she just watched him.

“He said… that there isn’t anything that he can do,” she bit out, again not quite meeting his gaze. “He said… that there is no way to undo what has been done.” She let out a deep sigh that was filled with confusion of her own damned life. “He said that this is our reality and _everyone _else’s reality in this town. He said that I’m married to Graham.”__

“Are you telling me…”

When Killian paused, Emma forced herself to look back at him.

“We’re supposed to just _forget _our own realities and forfeit to this one?”__

Emma shrugged. “There are no other changes between the two-“

“Except that you are married to another man,” he threw out bitterly.

_Yes, that little bit of difference _.__

“What can I do?” she asked, just as exasperated as she felt.

“You live the life that you want,” Killian yelled out, taking a long stride to bring him closer to her. “Not the one that is being forced upon you.”

Emma shook her head. “It isn’t that simple, Killian.”

“It’s as simple as you want it to be,” he muttered.

They didn’t touch, but she could feel his closeness to her. The heat was too strong to deny.

“You have a choice, Swan.” This time, as his face softened at his own resolve, so did his voice. “You _don’t _have to be with him.”__

And it still wasn’t that simple, but she understood why he didn’t understand that.

“Yes, I do,” she whispered, wishing he could understand. “Gold said…”

“It matters not what he said.” Killian was trying his hardest to convince her of that. “Do what you heart…” His hand came out towards her, his fingers straightened and flattened to her chest. “… is telling you to do.”

Emma could only stare up at him.

He wanted her to say that her heart chose him. And it…

“It does matter, Killian,” she told him, her voice strong because it had to be. “I can’t destroy this town any more that I already have.”

He stepped back this time. He stepped away from her.

“Do you know what you are saying, Swan?”

If she hadn’t known already, then she would have once she looked into his devastated eyes.

“I… I need… more _time. _To figure this out. Can’t you see that?” Her frown felt permanent, like there was no other way she could possibly look right now.__

“You need more time?”

“It’s been a day, Killian,” she reminded him, her eyes wide. “We both need to process this. I need… more time.”

There was a dark shadow that casted over his eyes when he gave his short nod.

“Aye, love,” he muttered. “Have all the time in the world.”

****

She’d made enough excuses to not go to the station. She’d thought of enough reasons as to why she couldn’t meet him at the sheriff’s station in that _entire _day. She was his deputy, for God’s sake! Yet she hadn’t showed her face at work all day. Ignoring Graham was _not _going to make her problems go away. She would have to face him.____

Seeing his jacket hang from the coat rack did something to Emma’s heart. It hadn’t been left there in memorial. It hung there because Graham was really there. When it would be time for him to go home, he would grab that jacket, put it on, and then leave.

Emma found herself staring at that coat rack. Just for a moment longer. Graham was alive. He was more than _just _alive.__

It was a life that she was supposed to know. It was this life that was supposedly filled with all things that equaled goodness and happiness. It was supposed to be true. But…

“I’m almost finished up here.”

She turned to see him walking from somewhere in the back. His steps were slow as he gave her a once-over.

“I haven’t seen you since this morning, Emma,” he said. And those eyebrows raised as he stared at her.

Maybe he was waiting for her to respond. Maybe he thought that she should have an answer to that.

But her thoughts were suddenly mingled by the frustration of not knowing how to fix what she had broken and the fact that she was a part of making this miracle happen. Graham, he wasn’t dead. She should be rejoicing in that fact.

And maybe she could if his being here hadn’t meant it impacted her life so damned much.

With a shake of her head, Emma began to move over to the desk. It wasn’t about moving closer to him, no. Not at all.

“I…” She still had nothing. “I… took care of… a lot of things,” she offered.

Graham’s smile was small.

“You didn’t call me, so I figured that it was fine,” Emma continued with a slight shrug. She removed her gaze from him to look down at the spread of folders and papers there.

“I thought that maybe you needed your space.”

Emma offered another shrug. She ran her fingers along one of the folders as she feigned interest in what the file might contain.

She heard his sigh, and the frustration that was behind it.

“Emma?”

She turned then, looking up at him.

“Yes?”

He was watching her. His eyes roamed freely over her.

It did something to Emma on the inside. The way he felt the right to take her completely in with that look was a bit disconcerting.

“What?” It came out as a whisper. She felt the stiffness in her shoulders as she squared in her stance. If ever there was a time that she needed to guard herself, it was now.

Graham shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

He was apologizing? “For what?” She wasn’t closed off enough. She felt as if he moved closer, then maybe he could still get to her.

Scary.

“I must have done something to make you start acting this way.”

He was putting the blame of himself.

But it wasn’t Graham’s fault. He was alive, and it was strangling her.

It was the sincerity in his voice and on his face.

Graham was looking at her like she was his wife. And that’s what he believed. He was looking at his wife, and putting her apparent pain on his own shoulders.

His sincerity was tugging at her.

“You haven’t done anything, Graham,” she whispered softly.

He started moving then.

Emma felt her breath catch in her throat at the simple movement. Her eyes fell back over to the desk. Slipping her fingers over one file in particular, she let her attention be lost on it instead of on him.

“Are you sure?”

She could see him in her peripheral vision. That was all she wanted right now.

“I’m sure.” She took in a deep and steadying breath.

Emma didn’t truly understand why she was feeling as nervous as she did. She didn’t know why her heart started beating even faster when she caught a hint of his scent invading her senses.

Graham’s hand came swiftly into view. Emma watched as he laid it down firmly over hers before taking it into his own.

“Emma.”

She looked quickly back up at him and crashed into those warm warm eyes.

God, what had happened between them in those years that they had been man and wife? What did he do to get her to open up to him in such a way? Because he touched her like it was the most natural and organic thing in the world. And it made her feel… like there was something deep inside that was familiar and oh so right about it all.

Graham’s hand held hers firmly while his free hand came up to rest at her waist. There was a gentle tug coaxing her to come even closer.

“Graham.” Emma wanted to curse the sigh that was his name.

And he moved even closer still, his eyes doing that full encompassing thing again.

It must have been something really good that had happened between them. She just didn’t know what it was.

How had they gone from simple flirting to being this happily ever after couple? It would have been a good chunk of time in which it could have happened. But that didn’t explain the how…

“You know how much I love you, right?” It was soft and imploring. Honest and true.

_Did _she know?__

Okay, maybe this alternative life wasn’t as bad as she had led herself to believe. The way he was watching her in all his sincerity. With all of his love.

Emma felt the magnetic pull to be closer to him.

Her silence must have confused him, because the crinkling of his eyes that followed was more than just curious.

Maybe he expected her to return the sentiment.

That tug became stronger as she watched him.

Maybe this was okay. Because in this reality she was his wife. Graham was her husband. And the need to be even closer to him was a feeling that was okay to have.

A smile lifted the corners of her mouth. Carefully, with a not so quite steady hand, she touched his cheek.

_Her husband. Who loved her. And she, who on some level, loved him back. ___

Emma brought her lips up to his is a cautious kiss.

Firm but giving lips. Unfamiliar, yet familiar. Because she remembered kissing him years ago…

She felt his arms wrap around her waist.

With a slight smile against his mouth, she let her arms creep up his chest and around his shoulder.

_Husband. ___

_Wife. ___

_Happily ever after. ___

No more thinking. She would enjoy this moment for what she knew it was.

And what this moment was right now was nice.

Emma felt his smile against her mouth. She felt his fingers all over her back. And then she was absolutely done with thinking.

****

All she wanted to do was to see Killian. Okay, maybe it was more than a want. Maybe it was even a need. After the day she had had, she needed some of the semblance of normalcy that only he could offer her.

Although she had been with him yesterday, it wasn’t the same. She had closed him off. But it was because she had to. He wasn’t ready to listen to reason. He was trying to make their issue seem rather simplistic, the answer to the problem simplistic. And it was far from simplistic.

Emma needed to see Killian. Although it was bright and early in the morning, he had not been in his room. He had not been down at Granny’s diner either. So the next logical guess would be at the docks.

She needed for him to be rational now that he’d had time to think about it. Like her. And then he would take care of her. He would make her feel better about everything. Because that’s what Killian always did for her. Even after _everything _that had happened yesterday, Killian was a constant she could believe in.__

And Graham? Graham was… something else completely…

It was all more than a bit confusing. The way Emma was getting so used to making up excuses was getting ridiculous.

When she said that they should take separate cars that morning because she had business to take care of before she could come into the station had made that look cross his face again. But he had conceded, carrying his mug of coffee with him out of the house.

Emma had gave an internal breath of relief that he had not tried to kiss her again. Graham, even if he didn’t know what it was, could not miss that something was really off with her.

It was the guilt that had fueled her this morning. The guilt of feeling something for her husband and then kissing him because of it. It was that guilt that had turned her into some robotic and mechanical being when they left there. She had to protect herself from him as she tried to figure everything out.

She had went home with him. Supposedly, their home was this little quaint house that was a bit out of the way. It didn’t surprise her that the backyard had a view of the open forest. It would be just like Graham to want to be near an open and free space like that.

Emma missed Henry more than she thought she ever could. He had went home to Regina instead of coming home with her. Apparently, there was a loose schedule that he mostly followed. And it had just been one of those days.

Emma felt the crack in her jaw as she walked slowly towards the Bug on her way from the house. It had been a long night. A night where she fought every urge to go to bed. She couldn’t sleep, she’d told him. With everything racing through her mind, it was partially true.

_You don’t have to stay up with me, _she had told him, practically shooing him away from her. It took just about every fiber of her being to not turn around and run out of the door when he had left her alone. But she didn’t. Camping out in the living room was as far as she had made it.__

Emma shook her head at her thoughts. It was over. At least she would have until the day’s end before she would have to deal with it again. And now she could concentrate somewhere else.

Killian was right where she believed him to be. He was standing on the dock, peering out into the water. A strong and firm stance. That’s who Killian was. A strong man of varying talents and wisdom. And all she wanted was to walk into his arms and be held.

“Killian?”

She was some feet away from him, but she couldn’t wait any longer. Her steps became quicker.

When he turned, she saw the grim set of his mouth. There was something about his eyes. They weren’t warm as she expected. She couldn’t put a name to the pain that was there.

Emma’s steps became slower as she became unsure of what the problem was. There was definitely a problem, because he was silent. He was uncaring that she was there with him. It was different.

“Killian?” she asked again, now standing right in front of him. “What is it?””

A slip of tongue crossed the length of his lips as he looked down at her. He was silent though, only communicating with dark eyes and a stoic position. She didn’t know when she’d ever seen him look so detached.

“What?” It made her nervous and unsure.

Killian’s eyes gazed upward, and a deep breath left his mouth.

“What are you doing here, Emma?” he murmured quietly, still not looking at her.

All she wanted to do was to go into his arms. She needed it more than ever. But he seemed far from being receptive to that.

“I needed to talk to you,” she answered. “I needed to see you, Killian.”

And then he looked at her. But he took a step back and continued to observe her.

It was as if he was taking her apart. But it was in a different way. There was something wrong. That look said he didn’t recognize her.

“ _What _is _wrong, _Killian?” Because it was becoming more than a bit scary.____

All Emma had in her reality was him. Nobody else could understand the duel life she was now leading. Nobody except Killian.

“What did you need to see me about, Swan?”

It was cold, and although Swan was the norm for him, this felt different.

Emma took her own step back. There was something that needed to be accessed. She just didn’t know what it was.

“This thing with Graham,” she whispered, watching him closely.

A smile that didn’t extend past his lips appeared on his face.

Just what was he getting at, she wondered. His hook rested on his belt and his hand was tossed out at her.

“Oh, is there something that you wanted to share with me? Something that you think I should be made aware of?”

Maybe it was even more problematic than she first believed.

“It’s getting complicated,” she said in way of answer.

His whole face was a deep and dark scowl. “That is how you categorize this? ‘It’s complicated?’”

Emma was slow to shake her head. “What are-“

“I saw you kissing him.” And his one long stride brought him right back in front of him. “Did you enjoy it, Emma? Did you enjoy kissing your husband?”

She refused to let her eyes grow too big. The apparent anger seemed to wash away from him though, now leaving a sheen of pure hurt and despair that he couldn’t hide.

“How?” Emma blinked back any and all emotion. _How? _She was asking him and herself that question.__

“And that is the first thing you have to say to me?” Killian’s face twisted into an ugly and questioning gesture of disbelief. But it was more than that. There was also more pain than she could bear.

_How dare you? _That’s what it said, and Emma knew that.__

“Killian.”

She had to get out more than just one word at a time.

“Killian, you don’t understand…”

“Why didn’t you just let him fuck you while you were at it?”

It was the harshness of his words. But it was more than that. It was the fact that it was all coming from a place of hurt.

It was the way the fire burned in his eyes as he stared down at her. But it was also the way he bit down hard on his lip, like he was trying to keep the pain in.

It didn’t help. It only made her ache for him even more.

“Please.” And it was a plea. “If you would just listen to me.”

He wasn’t supposed to have seen that. Emma wasn’t supposed to be a source of pain for him. Not anymore.

“Listen to you say what, Emma?” he asked. She knew he hadn’t wanted it to come out as broken, but it had.

She felt the sting of tears in the back of her eyes. There wasn’t anything that she could do about that.

“What do you have to say about that?” he continued to press.

What answer did she have? The physical pull away from her he was giving her wasn’t the only pull. She could distinctly feel the emotional tug as well.

“It’s not what you think, Killian.” It felt late. It felt miniscule and nowhere near enough. “Graham. He… it’s… I… I don’t know.”

No, nowhere near sufficient.

The drag of his hand over his face was telling. So was the harsh and ragged breathing.

“Graham?” It was a murmur, still as gruff as before. “Me, Emma- us.”

The rapid blinking continued. It was an attempt at keeping the tears at bay, as well as trying to be relevant in her explanation. “I…”

“I’m leaving Storybrooke.”

She thought her heart would jump out of her chest at his soft and haggard words.

“Please don’t leave me.” Emma could only imagine how her tiny voice sounded to him. Her heart, it was breaking because he was giving up on her. On them. “I can’t do this alone.” Her steps towards him were sloppy and unsure.

The fact that he backed up even more was almost her undoing.

“I can’t be here alone.”

Killian’s lips rolled in inwardly, the pained expression only growing and growing.

“You won’t be alone.” He gaze fell to the ground beneath them. “You’ll have your husband.”

“Killian, you can’t leave me.” Her hands reached out for him. She couldn’t reach him at this distance, and all she wanted was him to reach right back out at her.

She watched as his stingingly pained face turned back to her.

“I can’t stand by and watch you be with another man.”

Emma’s eyes grew wide with astonishment at his words. She understood that he was hurt, but he was so damned closed off to figuring this out with her. He’d come up with the answer to his own question and that was that.

“Don’t go.” Her tongue ran out over her increasingly dry lips again. “This is your home. Don’t go, Killian.”

“ _Storybrooke _is not my home,” he threw out bitterly at her.__

He hadn’t said it, but she could read easily through her words.

As Killian turned and walked quietly and resolutely away from her, Emma knew just as clearly as if the words had fallen from his mouth.

_Storybrooke wasn’t his home. It was wherever Emma was. ___

And now…

That was no longer true.

****

Apparently it was another one of those things. One of those things that was established as normal and predictable.

Emma picked up her glass of wine and took a slow slip. Her eyes traveled around the circular table to look at her father, then her mother, and finally to Graham. It was that easy thing again. The light laughter, the gentle touches, the familiarity of familial relationships.

Supposedly, this get together was one of those that were set aside at least twice a month. It was about family and about staying current in one another’s lives. That’s who her parents were: family meant the world to them and they were going to show it. So maybe Emma discovered that she took after them in that aspect.

She was surprised by the fact that these dinners did not take place at either of their homes or perhaps even at Granny’s. But no. This restaurant was more elegant than that of what she’d find at Granny’s.

It could have been too much. Surprisingly, it wasn’t. She enjoyed the quality of the wine, the quality of conversation, and the quality of those around her.

So this was her life…

It was a thought that she had to continuous bring back to the forefront.

Killian, as far as she knew, had not left town yet. She didn’t know how to convince him to stay. It seemed as if he had fell into the belief of everyone else in town: she was married to Graham and that was all there was to it. _He had given up so easily. On her… ___

Emma shuddered inwardly, bringing the glass of wine back to her lips. She wanted to take a gulp to steady her nerves, but she didn’t. Again, no. Because this was the part that she was now playing. For everyone- her gaze now searched the entire room that was full of citizens of Storybrooke that she didn’t know personally but was personally responsible for. And that was what brought her here tonight.

Those were the facts that made her push Killian out of her mind for the time being. She’d hurt him. She hadn’t wanted that to happen. She hadn’t wanted him to see her _be _with Graham and be in pain. But it had happened. And even though it hurt her, too, she still had a town to be loyal to.__

The slip of fingers and eventually a full and firm hand on her thigh almost made her jump from the table.

Blinking rapidly, she turned her head slightly to see that Graham was watching her intently.

He moved closer then, his lips settling at her ear.

“What’s wrong, Emma?”

She took just a moment to breathe him in. _Her husband. ___

“Nothing’s wrong,” she murmured, shaking her head.

Those lips decided to place a chaste kiss right there on her ear.

“You’ve just decided not to share with me.” Graham pulled back then.

That hand stayed at her thigh. Only now it roamed freely as it pleased.

Between husband and wife, the caress was something that would be innocent enough. But it wasn’t that simple between them. At least not for Emma.

Her eyes went a little wide as she tried to focus down on the plate in front of her.

The conversation that swirled on above her head was a little too much for her. The ease of what they all were to each other was a bit surprising.

It was when Graham’s hand slid away from her that she felt as if she’d lost more than just that hand. Although it had been a bit disconcerting, now that it was gone, she felt the immediate loss of something strong.

Emma only slid her eyes over towards him. She saw the bright eyes and the congenial smile on his face that was for her father as he spoke of some tale.

“You’re awfully quiet tonight, Emma.” Now it was her mother who made the observation. It was a whisper as she turned fully towards her.

Well the men had fell into some interesting topic of discussion, which left her open for Mary Margaret.

“I think I must have a lot on my mind,” she answered. “It’s nothing.”

She could see that her mother wanted to delve deeper. But it was the brief smile and the shake of Emma’s head that prevented her from doing so. She knew it would have been difficult for Mary Margaret, so she truly appreciated that she accepted her answer and didn’t pry.

**

Maybe it was the wine.

No, it wasn’t the wine. It was Graham.

As the long night became even longer, there was something about him that had caught Emma’s eye. It was the relationship that he had with her parents. It was the friendship that rang true and was real even without her. And, even more surprisingly, it was the way he was with her. It was like he was so attuned to who she was and what she needed and wanted (even though she had been cautious around him before).

Emma had only had a few days to assess the situation that was her life. There had been so much going on that she never had the time to slow down and look at what this life was full of.

Tonight, it had been different. Tonight, she had not ran away from him. Tonight, Graham was at full capacity when it came to being her husband.

And maybe…

It started with the gentle caresses. And it was odd to know that those caresses were slowly beginning to affect her. It had been a long night.

It was the brief moments and the way he looked at her. It was the brief moments and the way she found herself looking back at him.

Had she forgotten how perceptive and candid they had been with each other during their first meeting- in her other reality?

Maybe the wine did play a role in it. Maybe it did help her be bold in her curiosity to be near him, too. Or maybe it was just the excuse she used when her own hand slid over his while it was lying on the table beside her.

It was an easy smile that had accompanied the light in his eyes as he turned towards her.

Emma had smiled back. She had smiled because his smile was so beautiful. She had smiled because he was familiar and good and he was there.

_Graham was there. ___

Later, when his hand was busy with silverware, her hand had moved under the table. Emma laid her hand to rest atop his knee. The wine had not made her any bolder than that. But it was another confirmation that this was Graham. And Graham was nice.

Emma slid her gaze towards him, just to get a look of his profile.

This life that he was offering her was a pretty nice one. For a moment- maybe just for a moment- she could lose the other reality she knew and just focus on this one. Because it was pretty nice, too.

**

His fingers, that had been intertwined with hers for a significant amount of time while under the table, suddenly tightened. Graham turned towards her, his mouth once again finding her ear.

“I was thinking we could cut this night a bit short,” he whispered to her. “Perhaps skip out on the dessert and make it an early night.”

Emma’s eyes fell to her parents, who were busy in their own side conversation at the moment.

She had a feeling of just what Graham was hinting to at the suggestion of making it an early night. And she felt very tempted to agree with him.

“What do you say, sweetheart?”

It was the first time he had called her a pet name in all of these days. There had been some intense moments as of late. So maybe he felt the ease of tension just as she did…

Emma turned to look at him. From underneath the table, she slid her fingers away from his. Instead, she found a new resting spot just above his knee.

It might have been her imagination, but she thought she might have seen a hint of some kind of change in his eyes.

If she left with him now…

Emma already knew what it would mean.

Graham knew what it would mean.

And maybe she needed this. A night with Graham.

This life was far from being horrible. She and Graham had had a nice relationship before he had died. If that hadn’t happened, then maybe there wouldn’t have been a need for this alternate life. Maybe she would have opened herself up fully to him. Maybe she would have been Mrs….

The “maybes” were piling up. Too many were running through her head.

No more thinking. Not right now.

“Mm… sounds good to me.”

And his smile spread widely across his face.

“Okay.”

**

_Graham. ___

His fingers pushed through her hair, dragging her mouth closer to his.

_Graham. ___

She listened to his soft moans as she voluntarily pressed her body up against his. The grind of his hips into her felt more delicious than she had believed possible.

Button-downs were a very nice invention, Emma thought as she slowly undid each button to his shirt. They allowed for a very sensual and seductive undressing when the chance arose.

_Graham. ___

His arm made its way to the back of her leg, leaving his hand to travel slowly up the length of it.

Left with absolutely no room in between their bodies, Emma intertwined her arms around his neck. The feel of his skin pressed against her skin was another delicious tidbit. She couldn’t stop kissing him. She couldn’t stop the need to feel him close to her. As close as he could be.

The higher and higher those fingers crept up her thigh, the higher those fingers travelled to get hidden by the material of her dress, the more she felt the need to be even closer.

“Graham.” Yes, it escaped as a groan of frustration against his lips. And when those fingers crept to the rather exclusive and secretive part of her body, all she could do was sink into him and moan.

“Graham.”

It was Graham. He was kissing her, caressing her, undoing everything about her in the space of mere moments. And she felt helpless in her ability to do the same.

“Graham.” With a smile on her lips, she brought her hands to run over his shoulders and down his chest. There, she pressed and pushed him slightly away from her.

His eyes were smoldering. Emma like the lust that she found there. Shaking her head, she went back to the buttons of his shirt.

“You first,” she whispered. Her fingers were slow and diligent as she unbuttoned each button.

She also loved the heaving of his chest. It made her wonder how long he believed it had been since they were together. It made her wonder what he expected from her. Just what was it like to be in this position- or countless other positions- with her husband.

Every touch and caress, every moan and groan, were all new to her. _Graham, like this, was new to her _.__

She wouldn’t be new to him. She was his wife. Would he know her? Her likes and wants and desires?

_Graham. ___

She liked that he was patient. Those eyes were burning. Burning for her. But he stood there and offered just the minimum of help as she pushed his shirt off of his body and onto the floor.

Emma couldn’t help but be intrigued by the body underneath that was now at her disposal. A gorgeous man that was all hard muscle and smooth skin.

“Emma.” He closed the gap between them once more, capturing her lips with his again. Both hands were more insistent this time, grabbing her by her bottom and pressing her into the hardness of his body.

For a second- just a second- Emma felt the thrill of this man. Her husband taking control and leaving no room for misunderstanding of what he wanted.

Just for a second…

_Graham. ___

He tasted so good. This all felt so good.

But there was something wrong.

This wasn’t right.

_Killian. _Where had _he _come from? She couldn’t…____

Not now…

_Killian. ___

No. Emma mentally shook her head. Not him.

_Graham. ___

He was leaving her breathless. His fingers doing incredible things to her body. He was pressing into her body, making her take steps backwards. He was leading them to their bed.

Maybe they were moving too fast, because something felt wrong. Why couldn’t this just be an extension of the night they had just had? Why did her mind have to concentrate on something that was out of her control?

Because this right here- she felt the back of her legs hit the bed- was right in her grasp. Graham was right in her grasp. And he was more than ready and willing for her. This was supposed to keep her mind off of…

_Killian. _The bond between them had been ignored for so long. It had taken going back in time together and witnessing everything her parents had endured to be together to make Emma realize what she had been running away from. And what was she doing now?__

_Graham. ___

“Emma?”

Because he knew her, too. She had wanted to open up to him so long ago as well.

He felt so good, his hands roaming over her entire body, his tongue licking at a well-known spot below her ear.

“I need a minute.” It came out in a rush. Her hands splayed over his chest. “I… need to… go to the bathroom first.”

He pulled back and eyed her curiously.

“Okay.” It was slow, but followed by a lingering kiss that left her breathless.

How was she supposed to do this!?

Emma was quick to sidestep Graham when he finally ended the kiss. She only offered the briefest of smiles.

“I’ll be back,” she murmured. She didn’t turn back to look at him. She couldn’t.

Finding herself in the bathroom, shaky hands locked it behind her.

A minute. She was going to need a minute.

Thoughts of Killian had proved to be a bit detrimental. Or maybe it brought her back to her senses. She couldn’t live in one reality versus the other without any consequences. She couldn’t expect to move on with Graham without dealing with her feelings about what she was giving up. And she would be giving up a lot.

There was a part of her that wanted to leave out of that bathroom and find out what life was like fully as Graham as her husband. It had been quite some time for her. And it wouldn’t be entirely wrong.

And then there was a part of her who couldn’t leave out of that bathroom because it would do irreparable damage to another part of her life. A part of her life she wasn’t ready to give up on even if part of it had given up on her.

Maybe she was going to need more than just a minute, because…

“Emma?”

She felt like she couldn’t get her breathing to regulate. It was too much again.

“Are you coming to bed, honey?”

Emma took in a deep deep breath. It wasn’t as calming as she would have like, but she had to do something to make all of this right in her life. For herself and all of those who counted on her.

****

She was relieved when he opened the door.

Adrenaline was pumping through Emma’s veins as she watched Killian through the crack of his door. She didn’t even mind the scowl on the part of his face that was visible to her. She was just happy that he was there.

“You haven’t left yet,” she sighed. She couldn’t stop from smiling. But his demeanor wasn’t lost on her. The fact that he had not said one word or the fact that the door wasn’t opened beyond a sliver had not escaped her notice. “Let me in, Killian.”

He watched her for a moment longer. Finally, silently, the door crept open. Emma felt giddy and excited as she walked into the room. Killian was here. She was here. And she wanted him to know that he didn’t have to leave. He could stay.

“What do you want, Emma?” It was tense and dark and quiet.

Emma turned to look at him. He was moving away from the door, moving into the room. And yet he didn’t even look at her.

“I wanted to make sure that you weren’t gone. I haven’t seen you in a couple of days.”

His chin pointed down to the floor, focusing on some spot there.

“I dare say that it’s something you should be preparing yourself to be used to,” he murmured. “I _am _leaving.”__

He wouldn’t look at her, and that hurt. He had let her in to his room, but that was all that he was giving.

“You… don’t… have to go.”

“Do you know that I was asked to crew up long ago?” he asked. Still, he didn’t look at her. “My men will be happy to leave out of Storybrooke.”

“But that doesn’t mean _you _want to leave.” Emma frowned at her own thought.__

“Oh, but I do,” Killian assured her with slight humor. He was moving slowly about the room, quiet. And she wondered what he was thinking.

“No, you don’t,” Emma pressed. “You only think that I’ve moved on to…”

“Did… did you do it, Emma?”

Finally. He had finally been pushed to react. He now looked at her, his gaze a mixture of pain and query. He’d finally said her name. He’d finally stopped pacing and stood in front of her.

But his question made her happy. Because there was good news there.

“I couldn’t do it,” she whispered. And part of her wanted to look away from those prying eyes. “I couldn’t sleep with him.” Those eyes were all of a sudden looking too deep.

“But you were going to.” And he was so matter-of-fact about it. Like her face had betrayed her in the truth.

She had more than kissed Graham. They had shared a lot. She had almost slept with him. But she didn’t.

“Killian.” She had to be firm. He had to understand. “That is not the point.” It sounded silly and foolish to her once she had admitted that much.

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?” Killian’s question only made her feel all the worse.

He wasn’t supposed to react like this. He was supposed to be happy that she hadn’t slept with the man that- in this life- was her husband. Instead, he’d admonished her achievements and made them nothing.

“Killian.” She wasn’t getting through to him. She had failed again.

“That changes nothing.”

Emma blinked back her confusion as she stared at him.

“Do me a favor.” He was back to not looking at her. He was back to not acknowledging her by name. He was back to pacing the floor.

“What?” she whispered softly. Then, louder, stronger, “What is it, Killian?”

His steps had taken him back to the door.

“Get out.”

Killian was full of surprises. This is what she had reduced him to.

She hadn’t done anything. But she had done a lot.

Her steps faltered as she walked to the door. Her sadness reached parts of her that she didn’t know was possible.

“Killian.”

She turned around to look at him. He wasn’t looking. She wasn’t going to reach him. Not now.

“Killian.” She tried one more time because…

Because of many reasons. And she still failed.

Standing in the hall, she watched as he closed the door silently on her.

_Damn. ___

She didn’t have an answer. Not to this. Not to fixing her very sad and confused life.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has everyone seen the gifset for this fic? It's a must. http://anything-goes-for-cs-prose.tumblr.com/tagged/lightswillguide

It wasn’t that she hadn’t believed him. It was more to the point that she had needed him to come to his senses before he had done anything to rash.

Emma could see the small crew moving around the massive ship that could rival the Jolly Roger in its sheer size. But it wasn’t the Jolly Roger. Apparently, it was good enough to sail away from Storybrooke on without a look back on what they were all leaving.

Emma unceremoniously boarded the ship, not caring if she was welcomed or not.

“Ma’am?”

She turned around and came in contact with the modernized pirate.

With a lift of her eyebrow, she stared at the man who was doing the same to her.

“I’m looking for Killian,” she informed him. “Where is he?”

Because they looked so close. They could have been set sailing sometime today for all she knew.

Killian had disappeared on her again. Or at least he was keeping his distance. As she had past the dock day after day, it was clear that the group of men and the vessel they were on was clearly being readied for departure. And it was clear that it was Killian who would be leading the excursion.

“The captain is in his quarters, Ma’am,” the once again pirate answered.

Emma’s eyes swept over the deck as she searched for the where the room would be.

“Ma’am.”

She set off walking. “I don’t need to be announced.”

“You can’t just…”

There were a scurry of bodies around her. Apparently her presence was a bit disconcerting. She ignored the man and his warnings of not being able to interrupt his captain and continued her search for Killian.

The single door that was found on the boat opened as she approached.

It was then, accompanied by another one of his pirates, that Killian emerged from that door.

He stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes sweeping over her. It was only for a small moment. And then his gaze traveled the length of the boat.

Emma’s steps had faltered. But she was here. And she was here with a purpose.

His eyes found hers again, and she refused to let the glimmer of something dark in his eyes stop her.

“Deputy Swan.” Killian’s smirk was quick and tight-lipped. He watched as she moved all the closer towards him. “You’ve found your way to my ship and… have come to bid a farewell?” Those eyebrows shot up in query.

He was trying. He was giving it a gallant effort. But Emma saw the hurt that was there. The mix of surprise and pain trying to be tampered down by his quick wit.

She stood right in front of him, eying the man before him.

This ship, this crew, this captain… He couldn’t really be leaving Storybrooke. He couldn’t really be leaving her.

“Killian.” She tried to find her voice. She tried to not show the pain that was hidden inside of herself.

“What are you doing here, Swan?”

“What do you think?” He wasn’t looking at her, but it wasn’t going to deter her from reaching him. Not this time.

He moved then, closer. Their bodies nearly touching but not quite.

“Do you really want to do this?” It was a whisper blown against her cheek, husky and dark.

Was he trying to intimidate her? She wouldn’t be easily intimidated.

“Yes, I do.” Strong and firm. That’s what she was now.

Killian looked at her then. A frown marked his face as he tried to read her. And it took longer than a moment.

“James?”

Emma let her gaze slip from his to look at the man beside him.

“Yes, Captain?” The other pirate seemed eager in his need to please his captain.

“There are supplies and rations that still need to be gathered,” he said. “Take the rest of the men and secure that all will be ready for our voyage tomorrow.”

_Tomorrow. ___

Emma watched as the man gave a single nod to Killian, as well as the verbal cue of understanding. And then the order was carried out just as immediately. A shout from the man- James- ordering all those aboard that it was time to leave the ship and procure the items for their impending departure that would be tomorrow.

Emma turned to watch the small crew of men as the scrambled about to exit from the boat. She knew what it meant. He had got rid of everyone so that they would be alone.

She turned then. And he was still just as close as he’d been before.

Eyes clashed, and they both were holding back.

“Where did you get the boat?”

Killian smiled again. “Ah, on such short notice she was the best that I could do. She’s nowhere near the marvel of the Jolly, but she’ll do.”

Emma wondered what he was thinking. Because the Jolly Roger had been his home. Before Emma. He had given up his ship to return to Emma. So was he regretting it now with his plans to leave her?

Killian moved then, widening the minute gap between them.

“It was a barter- a trade,” he assured her. “No thievery here, Deputy Swan.”

He was mocking her and her title. Once sheriff, now deputy to her husband. But it didn’t even matter to her. She needed him to listen to her.

“Killian.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Convincing you not to go.” Her hands moved then. She wanted to reach out to him. To close the tiny gap and show him how much he meant to her.

There was a cloud of darkness over his face. And maybe he wanted to reach out to her just as bad she had wanted him to. But he didn’t.

“That is an impossible task you have set yourself out on,” he murmured softly. She saw the twist of his lips inwardly before he ducked his head down and away from her.

It was a veiled attempt. She knew. She could see the pain. The hurt.

“Killian.” Timid fingers reached out towards him, reaching for his arm. “Don’t go.” She needed him to know that she needed him. She wanted him. She…

“I…”

Killian hand shot out to wrap around her wrist. The grip was like a vice, capturing her and holding her still.

“Don’t.” The soft murmur and intensely painful eyes contradicted the steel trap that was his hand around her wrist. He shook his head. “Don’t say that, Emma.” His teeth sank down into his lip before he turned away from her. He released her wrist and took another step away from her.

“Why?”

Didn’t he understand what it took for her to get to this point? Why would he deny her from finally speaking the truth to him?

Killian was stepping away. He wouldn’t look at her. She could read the ache coming from his stance. She knew of how much this was wounding him.

But she was hurting, too.

“Killian!”

He looked back up at her then.

“Emma.” A slow shake of his head as he took her in told her everything she needed to know. “I leave tomorrow.”

She moved then. “You don’t have to.” She was moving quickly. She needed to be near him. She needed to stop the space from growing. She needed to be with him.

“I…” Her hands fisted into the leather of his coat, bringing her all the closer to him. “You know.”

Her lips crashed over his in a hard kiss.

He was going to try to leave her. Tomorrow. But she wouldn’t let him go without him knowing how she felt.

Killian’s arm found her waist instantly, dragging her all the more closer to him. She heard the ragged intake of breath at that same time. His fingers sifted through her hair until they found a spot to grasp and tighten onto.

He was kissing her back with all the force and need he had inside him. His lips opening wide over hers. His tongue pushing in and invading her mouth like he was conquering her.

Emma had initiated the kiss, but Killian had taken it over.

She felt weak, but in a good way. Those hands tightened for a moment on the lapels of his coat before giving up. She needed to touch more of him.

She followed where he lead with that kiss. Her hands found their way to the back of his head, dragging him all the closer. Her head tilting and slanting so that they could have more access to each other.

_Killian. God, it was Killian. ___

“Don’t go.”

His answer was a growl, something deep and animalistic from somewhere inside. His arm tightened around her waist. He was pulling her up, lifting her into his arms. And he was moving with her.

Emma wasn’t accustomed to being manhandled. It wasn’t the role she found herself in many times. And yet this time, feeling the strength of Killian’s hold on her as he carried them back towards his captain’s quarters- and presumably away from the openness of the deck- it felt more than good to surrender to the man.

It had been building up for far too long: the need and the want and the desire. She had almost lost him. He said he was leaving and there was nothing she could do to change that. But she could prove him wrong. He could stay.

The door was pushed opened to the small room. Her toes slipped to the floor as he deposited her there.

When he pulled back, it only made Emma nervous. She didn’t want to stop. She didn’t want him to stop. She needed- God, she _needed _\- for him to touch her and for her to touch him. He needed to know.__

Standing away from her, Killian watched her. His thumb brushed over his lips as he seemed to ponder what he had in front of him.

She could see the battle raging inside of him. He was actually _contemplating _the situation they had found themselves in.__

Emma wasn’t going to let him walk away from her. He wanted her. He wouldn’t have carried her into this room if it wasn’t true.

“Killian?” Her hands moved slowly over the front of her shirt, toying with the idea of what her next move would be.

She threw a glance behind her, looking at the bed that was there. She wanted him to want her enough to forget their issues. She wanted him to remember their pasts with each other. To realize what they meant to one another.

“To hell with it.”

It wasn’t exactly what she’d envisioned, but she’d take it.

There was a swipe along his hair-roughened cheek as he moved towards her. Darkened eyes focusing solely on her.

A moan was snatched from Emma’s throat as he took her mouth once again. This time it was slow. Infinitely slow.

Fingers ran over hers at her shirt. With a swipe of that hand, Emma let her arms once again wrap around his neck.

Slow and sweet kisses. An exploration of lips, teeth, and tongue was taking place.

The feel of Killian’s hand slip underneath her shirt made her shiver. The feel of his ringed fingers running over the flat of her stomach was a delicious feeling. But it was the steel of his hook on her naked back that made her tremble. The feel of it following the path of her spine, travelling up and down.

It wasn’t supposed to be _to hell with it. _There was more to them than just a fleeting concession of this being a prospect he was just okay with. Because she knew how he felt about her. It was the reason why he said he couldn’t stay.__

He felt good, his body against hers. His hand and hook roaming over her body. But…

Emma pulled back then. She opened her eyes languidly, preparing herself for whatever she would find when she looked at him.

Killian’s chest was heaving as he watched her. Maybe a little perplexed by her sudden departure.

“Look at me,” Emma whispered. Her hand lay flat against her chest. If she was misjudging him now, it was possible that he would throw her out again. “Do you see me?” And he _was _watching her.__

It took a moment. A long moment. She saw the change. She wanted him to be conscious in the moment and see her. She needed for him to be cognizant of what this was and what this was not. Because it would be all wrong if he didn’t.

“Emma.” It was like a swear. Killian’s head ducked down as he turned a bit away from her.

She was silent, patiently waiting for him to do more.

“Emma.” More strangled this time. Was he conflicted? Maybe. Killian looked back up at her. “I see you.”

Looking at him, Emma knew that he did. It wasn’t about the fleeting moments. It was about everything that had lead them to this moment.

Killian moved then. He was swift in his movements as he hooked an arm around her and took her mouth again. Kissing her, he pushed them back farther.

They’d found the small bed. His need became apparent as he was quick to lay her down there, and with him soon following.

Too many clothes. Too many barriers.

It was a struggle in this position- her lying flat on her back with him above her- to help him remove his thick and heavy coat. The brace being another inconvenient task.

Emma heard the murmured curses of the same exasperation from him. So when he moved slightly to undress, she was quick to do some of her own.

Her shirt came off in a fluent move from over her head. Nervous fingers fumbled with the button and zipper of her pants.

“Bloody hell.”

Emma looked up at Killian and found her watching him. The heavy coat was now off, lying somewhere unseen. She made note of the brace that was now visible. She made note of how, unclothed from the waist up, how beautifully matted his chest was with hair. And how it travelled farther down. Soon she would know even more.

“You’re beautiful, love.” It was a whisper of awe.

And maybe she had come to search him out in delicate and lacy underwear. Maybe she had hoped that she could get him to this moment. And maybe she did this whenever she had a conscious thought to seek him out even on all those past days since they’d gotten back.

Emma wanted Killian. She meant to show him that.

She sat up from the small bed. She reached out to touch that gorgeous mat of hair on his chest. It felt soft and a nice contrast to the hardness found behind it.

She kissed the underside of his cheek softly. Those arms enveloped her again. And she loved the harsh intake of breath she heard him draw.

Skin to skin was an unbelievable feeling. Emma could feel her own body give into the tremors.

She felt the push back onto the bed. She felt the way her body was so in-tuned to his as it curved into every spot of his just to be closer to him.

Lying flat on her back, she heard her own whimper as Killian moved. He took her hand in his, entwining his fingers with hers and holding tight, as his mouth made a trail down her body.

It was infinitely slow, and she understood. He would take his time and cherish every inch of her body with every growing second.

The flutters were becoming intense. Every spot he touched with his mouth and his rough cheek and his steel hook was making her body quake from beneath him. Those quakes blended in with his own.

_Killian _.__

“Emma.”

Her name falling from his lips as his body slid back over hers was rife with emotion.

He fit perfectly between her legs. He was the perfect amount of weight, the pressure feeling so good and right that all she could do was whimper in how happy she was.

Killian’s mouth settled on the base of her throat, planting kiss after kiss there.

_I love you. ___

She felt the sudden stiffness of his body above hers. And then he continued branding hot kisses to her neck.

Had she said the words? She hadn’t thought she had said the words aloud. But his reaction…

And then…

“I love you.”

She felt the vibration from throat as it pressed closely to her.

Or maybe she had imagined that as well.

_I love you. ___

_Killian. ___

_It was always Killian _.__

_Don’t stop. ___

Every inch of her cried out for his touch. Every fiber of her being cried out for his love and for him to never leave her.

_I love you. ___

She could profess it forever.

And every time she heard it back- every time she could feel it in the way he caressed her- she knew it was true for him as well.

_Killian _.__

She lost herself then, in his hand and hook, his lips and teeth and tongue, and the gentle and slow way he took her.

****

The tiny room was dark and hot. Emma knew it would widely contrast what was just outside of that door. Outside, it was a bright day that was just beginning. But inside this room…

Killian had stood from the bed quietly. His motions were slow as he moved to retrieve his clothes.

Emma watched silently. She wondered if she should follow his lead and find her own clothes. Looking around her, they were more strewn about than his. Lucky him.

She sat up in the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest. Her bra was close, so she grabbed it.

Her eyes travelled over to Killian and watched as he slipped back into his pants. With his back to her, she watched how his muscles moved and jerked awkwardly with the act.

They should have been rejoicing in the moment. They should have been on this high that only holding on to one another could make them tumble off into some unknown place. But they weren’t.

Killian had stared down into her face with utter pain and… it was guilt she had seen there. He had pushed himself off of her and jumped up from the bed. He’d left her, when…

It had been everything and nothing that she had believed it could be, the act of being with Killian. It was the way his hand and hook worked so well on every inch of her body. It was the way her body opened up immediately to him, reacting immediately to each peck, lick, thrust. Each moan, groan, grunt, gasp. In that moment, she was his. And he was hers.

“What are you doing?” Emma scrambled to her knees and reached for her shirt that was on the floor beside her.

There was a pause. And he still didn’t look back at her.

“That was a mistake.”

The muttered words made Emma’s throat close around her. She swallowed deeply, trying to get the feeling of suffocation to stop.

“A one-time thing.”

It was like he was throwing her words in her face. She didn’t like it. She didn’t expect it. Not here. Not after…

Killian turned around to face her.

Emma could read nothing but that same guilt and maybe even horror. He was watching as she slipped the shirt over her head, but it looked as if it was torturing him to do so. Not because she was covering her body up from him, but because it had been wrong to even be looking at her.

Emma tugged down on the shirt. Her eyes left his while they went on a search for her underwear. Her underwear in which he had been so fond of at feeling the material from the inside and outside. The same underwear that he had helped slip off of her so that those fingers had free reign to that part of her.

“A mistake?”

Her question only seemed to crush him even more. Killian’s lips thinned into a single line. His eyebrows furrowed and creased together. His eyes lowered in an attempt to not meet hers.

“That was bad form.”

_Bad form. His excuse was that it was bad form… ___

But it was more than an excuse. Whereas she felt aglow by what they had just shared- _aglow! When was the last time a man made her feel aglow? ___

Whereas she felt aglow, he was feeling as if he’d done something wrong.

“You’re married.”

Emma’s mouth gaped open. He’d brought _Graham _into this? When he had been the farthest thing from her mind, Killian had to be the one to remind them that- in this reality- she was a married woman.__

She flopped down on the edge of the bed and sat straight up. She sat there, gazing straight at him in disbelief.

Killian was only watching her from out the corner of his eye. His head was angled down, and he was looking as if he couldn’t bear to look right at her.

“You’re married,” he repeated. It sounded as if he was speaking in retrospect. As if he was now acknowledging his wrongdoing and that it was truly dawning on him. “And I’m a pirate.” His head came up then, and he surveyed the room that they were in.

The captain’s quarters of the ship he had procured to return to his previous life as a pirate.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you’re a hero before you believe it?” she asked with a shake of her head.

Emma looked over at him, and she didn’t see a pirate. He was a hero. A hero to her and to many more.

Killian turned his focus back on her. His fingers ran over the curve of his hook slowly and meticulously. She could only wonder what he was thinking.

Did the hook reinforce the truth of what he was saying to her? At least in his own mind?

“A _hero _does not sleep with another man’s wife.”__

And he was throwing _Graham _into their faces. Again.__

“So… this is about… Graham?” Emma felt the rush of anger creeping up inside her. They had just shared something between them. It had meant something. It wouldn’t have happened if it hadn’t meant something. And yet he was bringing another name into the conversation.

The hook swiped slowly across his cheek then as his focus narrowed on her.

“What about us, Killian?” Emma was quick to stand up then.

Standing there in only her shirt and panties- and him only dressed from the waist down- she was being forced to forget what had just happened between them so that they could focus on Graham. Graham, who had not crossed her mind not one second while she had been with him. It had been Killian. And it had only been Killian.

He stood there, hand back in hook, as he stared warily at her. Worried and unsure, and self-pity all there for her to see.

“It’s rather difficult to think ‘us’ when you’ve lived your life as man and wife with him since the moment you’ve learned of the situation.” His face scrunched up into something that was not only disgust, but pain as well. He turned just a bit away from her then. “I’d… changed. I wasn’t…” He looked about the room again. “I wasn’t the same pirate anymore. And yet, right now, that is all I see. A pirate. A pirate who took and ravished another man’s wife.”

Emma could only watch him in total amazement. It was his stance. He stood there, shoulders now slumped in defeat. It was his face. He looked completely devastated by the fact of what his actions meant about himself. It was the self-loathing. After all this time, they had finally been together. And it was only hurting him.

“Killian!” She felt the frustration growing inside of her and threatening to spill out. Her eyes opened wide as she watched him. She just wanted him to get it. “Killian.” Her fingers plowed through her hair, taking a firm grasp. “I’m… not…”

“His wife?” His chin lifted and his eyes met hers once again. “But you are. Which means…”

“Which means that you haven’t changed at all?” she asked. Emma stared up at him. “Being with me makes you the pirate you used to be? And maybe always was.”

A shoulder went up in a shrug. “Those are your words, love. Not mine.”

Her words, but his sentiment. It was pouring out of him, the disgust that he was holding onto for himself.

And it was maddening to Emma. “You’re going to stand here and accuse yourself of being unworthy and not good enough? And you expect me to listen to it?”

Those eyes turned in to slits, the blue of them barely visible. “I didn’t ask you to.”

It was getting worse: his need to be unfeeling and her frustration building into being fed up.

“You can’t change the facts, Killian,” she pressed with gritted teeth. She took a step closer towards him. It was hard resisting putting her hands on him. It wasn’t like last time. This time what he needed was to have some sense shaken into him. “You can’t deny what just happened. And you can’t force Graham on me.”

“Oh, but it isn’t me, love, who is forcing Graham onto you.” His tone, silky and deep as ever, reeked of sarcasm. “This is the decision that you came to. All without my input.”

It was the back and forth. It was the self-loathing for himself and the accusations of her part in it. And it was more than frustrating her. She was beginning to get pissed off.

“I want you.” There was a fire in her eyes now, burning hot with fury for him to comprehend her. It should have spoken volumes of where her heart lay. “I wanted you so I came to you.” She ignored the upward roll of his eyes and the muttered curse. “Being with Graham meant saving Storybrooke. I don’t want Graham. I didn’t sleep with Graham.”

“You wanted to.”

“I didn’t sleep with him.” She didn’t deny that it had crossed her mind, but pointed out the fact she didn’t do it. He wouldn’t catch her slipping. “I didn’t sleep with Graham, but I came searching for you. I came to ask you to not leave, Killian.”

His teeth sank down over his lip again. There was a battle raging inside of him, that she knew well.

“Save your town, Emma.” It was haggard and full of pain.

The self-pity was only making her angrier. He had ruined their happy moment so that he could feel bad for the man that he was. And Emma was so over it.

She looked away from him to search out her pants. Finding them on the other side bed, she moved to finish getting dressed. They were frantic and choppy motions, her heart and head battling over everything she was dealing with. Her life! It was so screwed up!

When she looked back up, Killian had his back to her. His head was bowed once again, and she could see his jaw clenching.

After sliding into her shoes, she was almost tempted to slam her way off of that boat, leaving him to stir in his own self-loathing. But walking towards the door, she stopped in front of him.

He didn’t turn around, his back still to her. She wasn’t surprised though. Not the way he was processing everything.

“I want you to remember who gave up on who, Killian,” she told him firmly. “If you leave, just realize who gave up on who.”

Still, he didn’t look. But she saw the twitch in his jaw. She saw the indecisiveness. And, for now, it was enough.

Without another word, she opened the door and left him in his captain’s quarters.

****

“What are you doing here, Mrs. Humbert?”

Emma inwardly rolled her eyes. Regina. Even Regina had taken to calling her by the name. And now really wasn’t the time that she could deal with that.

She pushed herself through Regina’s front door unceremoniously, not giving the other woman any time to object.

“Henry’s supposed to come here after school,” she reminded her.

Emma watched as Regina lifted her arm so that she could look at her watch.

“Which won’t be for hours now?” A lifted eyebrow pointed towards her. “So the question still stands. What are you doing here?”

She felt conflicted. It had taken a lot to get Emma to this point.

Killian had left her with too many emotions that she could not work through on her own. He wasn’t just giving up o

n her, he was also giving up on himself. She didn’t know how successful she’d been in convincing him to stay. And honestly, seeing how he ignored her when she left him, she didn’t feel too good about it.

Emma raised her eyes to meet the slightly annoyed gaze of Regina.

She took a deep breath. Maybe Regina could help. Maybe she would be able to succeed where she had failed.

“I need you to take out my heart, Regina.”

She wasn’t surprised by the shock that was written over Regina’s face. How many people actually came up to her and asked for their hearts to be taken?

“Mrs. Humbert.” A flutter of eyelashes accompanied the shake of her head. “Why would you even ask of such a thing? You, of all people.”

Emma really wasn’t up for her speech on her having the perfect life and the inability to be harmed. Because it was far from the truth.

If she could get rid of her heart, then maybe this pain would subside…

“It’s a long and complicated story,” Emma told her. “But can you do it?”

Regina was slow to shake her head. “I’m not going to do that, Mrs. Humbert.”

“It’s Emma.” She couldn’t hear that name again. Not right now. “Would you just call me Emma, Regina?”

There was a smirk now plastered over her face. “Trouble in paradise, _Emma?” ___

She ignored that question. “Why won’t you do it?”

Regina shrugged. “It is not even a question. Don’t you remember? As _savior, _your heart is…” She reached out to place her hand over Emma’s chest. “Safely tucked away. No one would be able to get to it.”__

Emma stared at the woman before her. She’d never felt so defeated. It was as if she was condemning Emma to a life full of pain.

She didn’t know if Killian would stay. He said he was leaving. And if he left…

She felt the sharp pain in her heart. This is why she needed it to be gone. To alleviate some of the ache that was just getting sharper and sharper.

“Emma?”

She could see the concern written over Regina’s face. It was real and sincere. This friendship, over these two years, must have been a lot stronger than the one in the reality that she knew. Less strife, she was sure. A better understanding of how to co-parent with one another.

It was a relationship that she could appreciate. Especially now, when Regina was looking at her with such concern.

A thought dawned on Emma then. Maybe…

“Can you at least make me a forgetting potion?” If he left, then maybe she could just forget…

She didn’t want to forget, but she didn’t want to live with the pain either…

Regina’s frown turned into something deeper and with more concern.

“What are you trying to do, Emma?” She sounded completely taken aback. The concern washing over her face.

“I’m trying to stop the hurt.” She knew it might sound cryptic to Regina, but she couldn’t go into detail. She wouldn’t understand no matter what.

“You’re trying to run,” Regina said with a shrug.

Emma returned it with one of her own. “Sounds like a plan.”

Regina continued to watch her. Then, with a sigh, she shook her head.

“Whatever it is that you’re running from, dark magic isn’t going to fix it.”

“You don’t know that.” Because she wasn’t even attempting to help. “If I can forget… just that part… then I can fix everything else. I can play the part as savior and do my job. I can’t do my job if I remember.”

It was spilling out of her. Her options were dwindling and she didn’t know how to deal with two realities that affected her life so perilously. No one would understand. And it would drive her mad.

“Regina, please.”

“Emma, I can… try to help you,” she offered. “If you want to tell me what the problem is. Maybe there is a solution that doesn’t have to call for dark magic. You can solve this all with your own power.”

Emma watched her, wondering how the change in their relationship had happened. She wondered how the change in Regina had taken place. And she was thankful for it now.

“You were my last shot at fixing things.”

Regina gave her a small and genuine smile. “I’ll try my best.”

Emma shook her head. “What I needed from you, you said you can’t give. So no, Regina, you can’t help me.”

It was the truth. And she felt all the more lost in this world she found herself in.


	4. Chapter 4

He was leaving tomorrow. Which meant that he was probably planning on leaving pretty early in the morning. That just seemed right. He’d want to be on his way as daylight broke. And that meant that he’d only be in Storybrooke for…

“Emma.”

_She looked up to see Graham enter into their bedroom. ___

Damn, if it was one room she didn’t want to run into him in it was their bedroom.

“Hey.” It was the only thing she could muster at the moment. There was too much on her mind.

She shouldn’t have come home. She should have went to visit her mom. Or she should have went to the diner for a cup of cocoa. Or maybe she could have even stayed at Regina’s. The point was she shouldn’t have come home when she knew that it was a possibility.

It was then that she noticed the deep frown on his face. But there was something different about it. Something indistinctively different.

“What?” she asked with a shake of her head.

It was his slow gait. It was the way he was watching her as he walked slowly into the room and towards her.

Emma didn’t know what it was, but it made her feel a weird type of way. What was he thinking?

“What a coincidence.” His smile was small. “That was my question for you. But more specifically, I was wondering what is wrong with you.”

She didn’t like the way he was looking at her. He was on a search. And it made her wonder was he coming at her like her husband or like her sheriff.

Emma straightened, and her gaze did a full intake of his body language.

It was so unlike the Graham that she knew. She knew it was her fault. He was on his guard, cautious of the woman- his wife – who stood in front of him. He looked as if he meant to get down to the bottom of whatever her issue was. And she couldn’t do that with him.

Her body failed her, and she slumped in her stance.

“Nothing is wrong with me,” she whispered, closing her eyes.

“And that’s a lie,” Graham countered slowly. “You’re lying to me about what’s wrong.”

The huff of air that left her body was involuntary.

“You’ve been walking through life in a daze for more than a week now.”

He was just going to continue to assess her and try to break her down. And she really just wasn’t feeling up to the interrogation.

“Graham.”

“You constantly miss work,” he continued on.

But she had to stop him right there. Even if she couldn’t look at him, she could defend herself.

“When I’m not at the station I am taking care of business elsewhere. You _know _that.” _Even if it wasn’t always the case. _____

He ignored that bit. And maybe that was best because she was on shaky ground with it herself.

“You are rarely home- and I must say that it is a treat to have you here now.”

“Sarcasm. Just great. I’m home just as much as you are.”

“You never sleep.”

“I _sleep. _Just because-“__

“You never sleep with me.”

The only thing Emma had for that one was an inner wince. She tried to keep her mind off of what had occupied her that morning.

For all their closeness, she was happy he couldn’t read her that well. Her demeanor could have been a clue. She had been avoiding being anywhere near his bed, and yet had practically ran into Killian’s.

“And you’ve completely dropped our plans on extending our family. So I’d say that something is wrong with you.”

That is when she looked up at him. Emma opened one eye and dared to take a glance.

God, she didn’t want to see another man hurt over her.

“I’m sorry.” It was a hoarse whisper.

They had been planning a baby- in this life. And the entire time that she had been there she had screwed that dream up for him.

“I’m sorry about the baby.”

He inhaled a deep deep breath and exhaled slowly.

“So… you really don’t want to… have a baby?”

And her heart felt like it was breaking again. She was taking his dream away from him. There was nothing she could do about that though.

“I don’t understand, Emma.” The frustration and confusion was radiating from him. “None of this makes sense to me. The change in you. The way you’re keeping away from me. I just don’t understand.”

He was asking for too much from her. He wanted things she couldn’t give him.

“I can’t do this right now, Graham.”

It was hard facing him, but she turned her attention fully towards him. She saw too much there. It wasn’t the hurt there. Well, maybe a little. But in reality, Graham had mirrored her and the way she had felt about Killian. He looked fed up. Fed up with all the changes he was seeing in his wife.

“Finally.” It was a rush as he moved towards her

Emma wasn’t standing in a corner, but she felt cornered by his presence. It wasn’t like ever before. He was close. This time it was meant as a demand. He was demanding that she pay attention to him and their life.

She owed him something. Maybe not what he wanted, but at least for her to give him her full attention.

Graham was close. So close. His blue eyes commanding that she look at him. So stood tall and did her best to give him at least that.

“What is it?”

He had been so loving and endearing. He had been basically walking on eggshells around her since she’d gotten back. He had been sweet and adorable. Almost to the point to where it made her feelings grow and grow. For him. For Graham.

And now he was none of that. He wanted answers. If that called for toughness, then so be it.

Emma could appreciate that from him. _Graham. _It had been a miracle to have him back. But…__

But it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“Graham.”

“If you would just tell me what’s wrong.” He grabbed her hard by the waist, dragging her closer to him. His face was riddled with frustration. His eyebrows were drawn together and his lips taut with tension. “I can help you get through it.”

She shouldn’t be as annoyed as she was. It wasn’t his fault. But it wasn’t hers either.

Emma wished she could be honest with him. But how did she explain that she wasn’t the woman he knew? How was she supposed to explain that this life wasn’t real for her? How was she supposed to explain that if it wasn’t for her job as savior then she wouldn’t have been here right now? And instead, she would be with the once-pirate who she loved with all of her heart?

“You can’t help me with this, Graham.” Emma pushed back on his shoulders, creating a space between them.

Graham’s gaze fell on that space. He must have taken it for more. She wasn’t just pushing him away because of their talk. It was more. She didn’t want that closeness.

“Because you won’t let me help you.” It was the closest she had heard to a growl from him. It was he who pushed her back this time, creating more space between them. It was the frustration. If she pushed then he would push back.

“We’ve always solved things together in the past,” he murmured.

Emma felt bad, but she couldn’t stop the instantaneous pull farther away from him.

_We’ve always solved things together in the past. _If only Graham realized how far in the past that was. They hadn’t had that time to form a secure bond as a team. At least not that Emma could remember. Not like she had with…__

It was never a question with Killian. From day one she was an open book to him. He would have seen right through her from the beginning. He would have confronted her from the beginning.

Unlike Graham, who had missed many signs.

“It wouldn’t be that way this time.”

Her fingers sought her hair, digging in deep and running through. Her frustration was building. Her need to be free was building.

“Why not?” And that space had diminished again. He wasn’t easing up like before.

She understood. He wanted answers. But she didn’t have answers that would suffice him.

“Because…” Like she knew, she had nothing.

“You won’t even try.”

He was too close again. It was too much. She couldn’t have him in her face.

“Graham!” Emma was frustrated as well, and all she wanted was space. She’d do anything for some space. “Whatever is wrong with me- or whatever you _think _is wrong with me- can’t be fixed by you! So just stop. _Stop! _I don’t care what you have to do. If you need to take a cold shower or go for a long walk, just stop trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Because I don’t need your help. I don’t want your help.”____

If he wouldn’t walk away, then she would. She could see the sting her words have left on him. But she had to. She just couldn’t do this with him. Not when everything with Killian was so fresh and raw.

But then his hand was pulling her back, bringing her back to him.

That’s what marriage was. You didn’t get to walk out just because.

“Something is wrong with you,” Graham muttered, staring straight into her eyes. His hands slid down to entrap her wrist, and he stared gravely into her eyes. “So you don’t get to just walk away. I’ve come to talk to you- to my _wife. _So you owe me the chance to fix this.” Slow and deliberate. So it could sink in.__

Watching him, she knew how much he cared for her. She saw it so clearly.

Unfortunately, she also saw her past. This is what she had tried to achieve with Killian just earlier that day. Being on this end was not fun…

“Graham.” She tugged at her wrist, requesting to be let free. And he wouldn’t do it. He held on to her even more firmly. “There is nothing for _you _to fix.” This time she tugged harder and he let go.__

“That is not fair, Emma,” he groaned loudly. “This is not how we do things.”

His words made her chew on the inside of her lip. She wasn’t the woman he thought he knew. And she was sorry for that.

“Listen to me.” It was slow, concise, and left no room for interpretation. _“I’m not doing this right now.” ___

His mouth had twisted, frustration painting his face. But in his silence, she knew that he had finally relented. At least for now.

So she walked out on her husband, frustrated again for the third time that day.

And when he mind should have been focused on the damaged she’d just done, it was Killian who filled her thoughts.

If he left Storybrooke tomorrow…

If he had the nerve to leave her for good…

For all the things she’d lived through in her complicated life, this disaster was right up there with the best of them.

****

_It’s getting late. When are you coming home? ___

_**I’m going to visit my mom. _ ****_**_

_When will you be back? ___

_**I think it would be better if I spend the night. _ ****_**_

_I don’t want to pressure you, but running away isn’t going to solve anything. ___

_**We’re both upset. Talking is not going to make it any better. _ ****_**_

_**We need space. _ ****_**_

_**I’m sorry Graham. _ ****_**_

_I’m sorry too. ___

_**Good night, ok. _ ****_**_

_Good night, Emma. ___

She waited for the ill-timed _I love you _to come through as a text message from him. When it didn’t immediately follow the last text, she let out a deep breath she didn’t know she was holding.__

Emma looked up from her seat on the couch when she heard the taps of Mary Margaret’s shoes as she came back into the living room.

“Neal?”

Mary Margaret smiled that sweet smile of a new mommy filled with happiness over her baby. She had a glow.

“Sleep for now,” she told her. And then she fell down on the couch beside her. “So now I have all this time for my _daughter. _”__

Emma smiled back at her. It was nice to think that she had come to the realization a lot quicker in this life about accepting her fate. Mary Margaret was her mom and David was her dad. And it made her really happy. Happy that she come here and be home, safe and secure.

“I hope you don’t mind that I plan on staying the night,” Emma told her as she slipped her phone into her pants pocket.

“I don’t mind,” Mary Margaret assured her. “But I am concerned. Do you want to tell me what happened between you and Graham?”

Emma looked over her mom’s face. And she knew her answer.

“It’s complicated, Mom. We haven’t figured anything out. I’m not really ready to get into it.”

Mary Margaret gave a vigorous nod of understanding.

“Okay. That’s fine. You’ll know when it’s right. And you two will find your way back to one another.” She gave her a small smile. “Even fairytales have their moments of being down. That’s why we work for our happy endings.”

She was so understanding and so encouraging. She hadn’t pressed, but just knew that Emma could solve this problem with faith. Watching her, watching the eternal goodness from which she was born, she was left wondering.

“Mom?”

And Mary Margaret could see the extent of Emma’s question.

She was curious. She just didn’t know how to approach the subject. But she wanted to know the story.

“How did you know?” And the frown that found itself of her face matched her confusion.

Mary Margaret’s head quirked to the side as he watched her curiously. A small smile graced her face.

“How did I know what?”

Emma nervously licked at her bottom lip. She had heard the story. She had read the book. She had seen it with her own eyes. But how did she know?

“How did you know… that Dad was the one?”

It was the way Mary Margaret looked at her. Emma could tell that the wheels of her mind were churning. And it only made her all the more nervous. Still, she wanted to know.

“Um…” Mary Margaret’s smile spread across her face, and she looked reminiscent in her memories. “That’s easy, Emma. But,” her hand came out to take hers, “you know our story. How it happened.”

“But,” and she looked at her imploringly, “how did you _know? _”__

“When I realized that a life without him,” a smile so radiant crossed her face, and her eyes dazzled, “was not worth living. Everything that happened between us- the good, the bad, the happy times, the sad times. I wouldn’t have changed a thing if it meant not being with your father.”

Emma knew every word was the truth. It made her both happy for her parents and herself and her brother that that was the type of love they had between them. It also made her think of Graham. It made her think of what life they supposedly had and was supposed to have from this point on. And it made her think of Killian. Because…

Her parents’ story reminded her so much of _theirs. _A happy ending to that tale was the one she wanted. And the one she couldn’t have…__

Mary Margaret’s happy smile faltered then, and she took better note of Emma. “What’s wrong? Do you want to talk about it, Emma?”

She shrugged, her body caving in on itself. Something was definitely wrong.

“You’re spending the night here and Graham is at home. You two are fighting.”

“It was an argument.”

“An argument,” Mary Margaret corrected herself. “And now you’re asking me about your father and my road to love.”

Emma glanced up to see the softness of her mother’s face as she watched her.

“Emma.” Her fingers glided over the palm of her hand. “Tell me what you are thinking. Your own story with Graham?” She squeezed at her hand encouragingly. “Arguments are a part of it, Emma. It comes with the bad or the ugly. But you work through it. You two will be fine.”

Looking into the hopeful eyes of her mother, she wanted to be honest. To share.

“It isn’t Graham.” Realization dawned on Mary Margaret. “Not completely.” And he head quirked in query. “What is it then?”

“Mom.” She didn’t know what to say next or what to ask.

“You’ve been different lately, Emma,” Mary Margaret said quickly. “Distracted by…” She stopped then, sitting straight up and peering nervously at her daughter.

Mary Margaret had a way of perceiving things herself, and the way she was looking at her…

“What?”

She shook her head. “I was only wondering… because I saw you- talking with Killian. And.”

The first thing that crossed Emma’s mind was that her mother had called him by his name. Even here, in this reality, where the only change had been was that Graham was alive, Killian was still Killian. It somehow made things…easier.

“When? When would you have seen me talking to Killian?” And then her mind raced, thinking of their public encounters since they had gotten back.

As long as it wasn’t at the docks, she would be fine. But she needed to know that no one had seen her when she had went to the docks in search of him. Or the moment she had left the docks. No one had seen that except maybe a member of his crew. So when had Mary Margaret seen her talking to him.

“At the diner,” she finally answered. “I was at Granny’s when I saw you with him.”

“Granny’s?” That was okay. Nothing had happened between them at Granny’s.

There was a moment of relief at that thought. Except for the fact that it was brought up in the first place.

“I don’t know,” Mary Margaret said slowly. “I thought that maybe…” She shook her head. “I saw you two, and you have seemed out of sorts with Graham.”

“Which makes you think that…” Emma stopped, feeling her heart beat from out of her chest.

Mary Margaret’s smile was small, and she lifted her shoulders in a shrug.

“Killian is supposed to be leaving Storybrooke in the morning,” she told her softly.

“Oh.” It was just as soft. Perhaps even softer. And her blinked as she turned a bit away from her. “Oh. So… Emma… how do you feel about that? About Killian leaving?”

Emma’s eyes found the ceiling, looking up and trying to not feel more than what was appropriate.

“He said he couldn’t stay. And I don’t know what I could do to get him to realize that this is his home.”

“Mm…”

Emma didn’t look at her. She couldn’t.

“Is there something you need to talk about, Emma? Something about Graham? Or Killian? Something about you?”

Emma shook her head. “No. Nothing about us.” Because no matter how much she felt like she could use her mother in this situation, it still wasn’t that easy.

They were both quiet for a moment. She had needed a moment.

“There was something else, Emma.”

It was the sincerity and the softness of her voice that made Emma look back at her.

“What do you mean?”

“How I knew,” Mary Margaret said. “About me and your father? How I knew that he was the one?”

“Yeah?” It made her perk up a little bit, the thought of hearing new information. “What was it?”

Her hand searched for hers once again.

“It was my heart, Emma.” She shook her head. “My heart knew- from the very instant. And even those times that I ran away from the truth, it was always there.” Her hand tightened in that hold. “There were _many _times that we were separated. There were _many _times that I had to live on faith alone when it came to getting our happy ending. Even during those times, my heart stayed true to him. And I knew- I absolutely knew- that he was the one for me. There was nothing that could change that.” Mary Margaret smiled then, she herself enjoying the memories. “Chalk it up to… that thing we call fate.” Her head tilted again. “Does that help at all?”____

Maybe Mary Margaret thought that her words would help Emma find solace where her life with Graham was concerned. Then again, by her mentioning of Killian, it made Emma wonder if her words were meant to be taken as openly. It would be Emma’s choice to apply to whatever situation she saw fit.

With a small nod, she answered, “Yeah, Mom. It helped a lot.”

Emma let Mary Margaret pull her into her arms for a hug, and she held on tight herself.

Maybe her words should have made her think of Graham.

But it was only Killian. It was Killian who her heart hurt for. It was Killian who her heart was true to. And it was Killian who she wanted to believe fate had destined her for.

Only Killian.

****

Emma saw the surprise on his face the second he walked through the door.

It looked like it had been a long night for him. A mop of dark curls lay on his head and his beard was a bit unkempt.

_Graham. _She gave an inner smile, because…__

Well, many reasons.

She didn’t know when she would be able to fully understand and take in the miracle that he was here. If there was ever a time that she didn’t seem appreciative of the gift, it wasn’t because it was true. She was so very happy to have him back.

“Ah… I wasn’t expecting you… to be here this early,” he admitted softly.

“Or maybe even at all?” Emma asked lightly from under lowered lashes.

He dipped his head down as he laughed.

“It might have crossed my mind.” Graham looked up then. He took only a moment to watch her before he began to move.

The smile spread across his face, and Emma saw the ease there. There was a sort of comfort as the tension seemed to melt away from him. He would have believed that her presence was something other than the truth.

Watching him move towards her, Emma stood still. She didn’t run. And even though she instantly knew he had the wrong impression, she knew she had to do this.

She had passed by the docks on her way to the station. She had seen Killian’s newly procured boat still docked. So he hadn’t left as early as she believed he would have. And she had taken in a deep breath of relief. It had also pushed her to do the right thing when it came to Graham. She had to be honest. She had to let him know. Even if it hurt him, she could no longer live a lie.

“I mean, it wasn’t our worst fight ever,” Graham continued, now standing in front of him. And his eyes were as bright as his smile. There was relief there. There was happiness there. “But it was definitely fueled by something. I’m sorry, Emma.”

That made her turn her head. He was sorry, again.

“I don’t know what is wrong,” Graham said with a shake of his head. “I just wanted you to talk to me about it. But the way that I went about it was completely wrong. I attacked, and-“

“It’s okay, Graham,” Emma cut in. His apology was only making her feel worse. He wouldn’t be apologizing if he knew what had actually brought her here so early this morning.

She watched with apprehension as his arms came to encircle her waist. He had pulled her closer into his arms and he hugged her tight.

A small part of her wished that she could fulfill what this life was supposed to be. But it was because she wanted to live up to the task of being savior. It wasn’t because she wanted to be married to Graham. And that was evident with every passing day.

It was Emma’s job to weigh the pros and cons and the outcome of her decision. Gold had told her that this was the only way to keep everyone’s lives intact. But the more and more she thought about it, she couldn’t understand how one change from this moment on could affect what everyone else knew as their lives. If absolutely _nothing _had changed beyond the fact that Graham was alive, then absolutely _nothing should affect not being with him now. Everyone would still have their past. It would only be Graham…___

And her family…

And maybe her friends…

But they would have to get used to the fact that they were no longer together. She couldn’t live her life for everyone else. She just couldn’t…

Emma pulled Graham in closer to her, hugging him tight. Her eyes darted around, knowing she had to do this.

“I was worried about you,” Graham told her. “You didn’t come home. I knew you were with your parents, but still. You didn’t come-“

“Graham, I love you,” Emma whispered quickly, and she knew it was true. She loved him, and she wanted him to know that. “So much more than I could ever say.” She pulled back then.

She had never seen him look so happy. It was relief that had washed over his face. His hands clasped hers.

“I loved you, too, Emma. I-“

“Please, just let me finish.” It tore out of her painfully and broken. She had to stop him from saying anything else, because…

Where her love for him made him ecstatic, his love for her was hurting her beyond belief.

She had to be honest with him. She had to get this out. She didn’t know how much longer she would be able to take the happy and loving faces he kept giving her. Not when he wouldn’t be happy in the end.

Graham swallowed hard. Although he had missed cues before, this time she could tell that he knew something bad was about to come.

That smile had turned so quickly. A frown creased his forehead, but his fingers tightened around hers.

Emma could feel the prickling behind her eyes. When she woke up this morning, it had been clear what she had to do. Even if that boat would have been gone from the harbor, she would have had to be honest with not only herself, but with Graham as well. And she knew what that would entail. And it was breaking her heart to do this.

“I love you,” she told him softly, watching his face turn into a mask of pain even before she had truly begun. Because he could sense it. He could sense it in her. “I love you, Graham. But I realized…” And her heart ached all the more.

He was watching her, and maybe there was a hint of tears from him as well.

She had to push on. She had to be honest.

Emma shook her head slowly, but never took her eyes away from his. “You’re not the person I’m supposed to be with.”

His face was a mixture of pain and confusion from her slow but clear and concise words.

It would have come out of nowhere. No matter how odd she had been to him, no matter how he had been unable to read her as of late, no matter how different and unrecognizable she had been, it would have still come out of nowhere. Two years of a fairytale life, and then this just out of the blue.

“Emma, what are you trying to say to me?” Graham’s fingers tightened even more then. His tongue swept over his lips and his eyes were wide in confusion. “Because that made no sense.” He smiled out of the absurdity of it all. “We’re married. I love you and you love me. Our lives… are perfect. It’s me and you, Emma. I… don’t…” A frustrated sigh escaped his lips. “Emma… _what _are you saying?”__

And the tears did fall from her eyes then. She had somehow saved him from that untimely death. But in doing so, she had forced herself into a life with him. And no matter how much she loved Graham, her life wasn’t supposed to be this.

“I’m saying.” To hear her own voice falter and crack under the pressure only made it hurt all the more. She moved a handd from his to place it at her chest as she moved the other one to guide over his. “That there was once a time that our hearts beat for each other.” Emma took a second to listen. It was fitting how at that moment, although both hearts were beating quickly, they were far from being in sync.

Graham’s hand fell over hers against her chest. His face was scrunched up in pain as he stood there watching her. Tears glistened his eyes, but it was confusion that was guiding him.

“Emma, I…” His mouth twisted, and his stammer was just as grating as hers.

It was hurting her deeply, but she couldn’t stop there.

Emma pulled her hand away from his beating heart, bringing his hand along with hers.

“But now.” She took in a deep and shaky breath. “My heart beats for another.”

She saw as his jaw twitched and the way his entire face scrunched up even more. In was confusion and disbelief that marred his face. And then there was anger. More than just anger. There was fury burning in the blue of his eyes.

“Your heart beats for _another? _” His hands were yanked away from hers and were placed wide over his face. “Your heart beats for _another? _Another _man? _” His hands rubbed over his jaw and down his neck.______

Her eyes darted up, realizing how callous she must have sounded. But that wasn’t what she wanted.

“I… I’m sorry, Graham.” And it may not have been heartfelt in his mind, but it was. Emma’s hand flew to her face, wiping the rushing tears away. “I’m so sorry.”

Because he wouldn’t have understood. He didn’t know the whole story. The whole crazy unbelievable story where Killian had been on her path of destiny and they had finally collided. He didn’t know the story where he died, and they never had the chance to have the fairytale life. And because of those reasons, her heart belonged to someone else. None of that mattered now. She was only a betrayer of vows in his mind.

Graham stepped back. He was watching her in disbelief and pain.

He shook his head slowly. “It’s not true.”

Emma blinked her eyes in hopes of clearing them. She forced herself to look at him. His inability to take her at her word only made it more difficult.

“Graham… it’s true.”

His fingers began to flex- open, closed- over and over again.

“Who is he?”

For someone reason, she never thought he would ask her that question. It made her feel wrong. Like she had no right to be with another man. Like she wasn’t dealing with two dueling realities, but instead being unfaithful to someone in her life.

“Does it matter?”

Graham’s eyes narrowed on hers.

“I love you, Emma.”

His words and his step closer left her to feel the uneasiness creeping through her body.

“I love you, too, Graham.”

“Then why would…”

“Just _not _the way you want me to,” she cut in, feeling her wariness grow.__

“You’ve been going through some things as of late, and you want a moment. You need a moment to get your head on straight. That doesn’t mean I turn my back on you. That doesn’t mean you give up on us. That doesn’t affect who we are.”

Emma let him speak. She didn’t want to keep interrupting him, but it was making her feel all the worse. How did she explain?

“You are my wife, Emma. I am your husband. You tell me who it is who has _dared _to try to come between us and I will take care of it. Emma, I can take care of this.”__

It was then that she had to stop him.

“There is nothing that you have to take care of, Graham,” she assured him calmly. “I am sorry. I had to be honest with you. That is why I am finally telling you this. I couldn’t let you continue to worry about me and think things about our relationship that aren’t true.”

Graham’s hand came out to wrap around her wrist.

She hated to see the tears that had stained his cheek fall from his face. She didn’t know what to do to make this better.

When he opened his mouth, Emma stopped him from whatever he was going to say.

“I’m sorry, Graham.”

His mouth closed again, and he watched her silently for a moment longer.

“You’re giving up on us.” It was a whisper full of pain. Those fingers tightened around her wrist. “Emma, you’re giving up on us.”

She swallowed back the lump that had formed in her throat. She knew how that felt. To be given up on by the person who was supposed to love you more than anything else.

“I’m sorry, Graham.” And she was sorry for the useless words that kept leaving her mouth. She knew they meant nothing to him.

“Don’t be sorry. Just…” And he swallowed as well.

Emma shook her head slowly, her eyes never leaving his face.

“This is over, Graham.” It had to come to an end. Nothing she could say in this moment was going to make him understand at the time. Nothing he was going to say was going to change her mind. They would continue in on the cycle. Unless she put an end to it.

“I came here to tell you that I love you, Graham. But I don’t love you the way you think I do or the way you want me to. I’m sorry, but there _is _someone else. Maybe one day I can explain better, but not now when we are both running on nothing but adrenaline and emotion. You wouldn’t understand.”__

Watching the now blank stare that was now his face, Emma took a step back.

“I’m-“

“Emma.”

Her name had left his lips broken and raw.

“I’m sorry.”

With her eyes closed and a sigh escaping her mouth, Emma stepped around him.

When he didn’t call after her, she was grateful.

She had done the hard part. And even though she knew she wasn’t done with apologizing or explaining to Graham, she could now set things right.

And now she had to fix things and make them right for her own life. That meant reaching Killian.

****

“You were right.”

His head barely turned. So maybe it was the fact that she had conceded to him, feeding his ego and curiosity.

“About what?” The mutter was thrown over his shoulder and back towards her.

It didn’t matter. He would listen to her.

Emma wasn’t used to dealing with her emotions on a regular basis. It wasn’t like her to be an emotional wreck. And she definitely wasn’t used to having others be witness to her outburst of emotions.

She had been on a rollercoaster as of late. Bringing Graham back to life- she had brought a man who had died in her arms back to life- had opened her up to thoughts and feelings that she had not been prepared for.

It was still pretty early in the morning. Granny’s Diner wouldn’t be open for a while yet. School buses wouldn’t be on the roads any time soon. In fact, the sleepy roads of Storybrooke would most likely stay deserted for quite some time still as well.

None of that had mattered to Emma. What had mattered was racing over to the harbor before that boat left its dock. What was important was getting to Killian before he left, and for good.

It was a nervous and anxious excitement. He had been there when she passed by the first time. In her quick drive by, she had been too far to make out anything other than that fact.

She hadn’t seen him, but the boat was still there. That was the only encouragement that she had needed.

It didn’t surprise her that she wasn’t scared. If it was one thing that she was confident about, it was that she had made the right decision. Everything that had happened with Graham only proved how wrong she had been to stay away for so long.

_Killian. _The only thing that had mattered was going to him and righting one of the biggest wrongs on her life.__

He wasn’t boarded on the boat, she had saw. Instead, his attention was focused on his crew from the dock. Surveying the action going on above him from the men, he stood there in a fearsome stance.

It hadn’t made Emma nervous. It gave her a bit of pride. Killian was everything that she had wanted. Strong, firm, a leader, a man of action. She meant to bring out his other side. The side he thought he had lost when he thought he had lost her. It was the gentle, caring, and loving side of a man who had known love and laughter, but had lost it too many times in his long life.

Emma meant to show him that it was now his for the taking. She was his. Only his. And she would prove it.

Looking at him now, looking at the strong back and powerful stance of the man she wanted in her life more than anything else in the world, she felt the flutter of something deep in her heart.

It was only him. It had always been only him.

Emma had become lost in that stare, watching him closely. It was so intent that she had forgot his ignored question.

Finally, Killian turned around to face her.

Did he think it was a mistake? It was the way he took her completely in from head to toe. His breath hitched in his throat.

The last time they had been together…

Emma didn’t want to focus on the last minutes, but those minutes that had led up to her leaving. The moments when his fingers, hook, and mouth had run over her body and made her forget everything that wasn’t them. She was focused on the way his body had proven to her what he was able to prove with his words.

“Emma.”

Killian wasn’t gone. Not yet. She hadn’t lost her chance. He hadn’t lost his chance.

“You’re here to see me off this morning, is that it?” He offered the tiniest of smiles and wide eyes.

“Quite the opposite actually,” Emma assured him with a smile of her own. “I came to tell you something. I think you’ll like it.”

A smirk lit his face as his head ducked down.

“Well the last time you came to tell me something, I indeed liked-“

“Killian.” Emma moved then, rushing quickly over to him. They had been near, but nowhere near as close as they needed to be.

Killian looked up at her with curious eyes. He allowed for her to take his hand in hers, but there was a glint of something unreadable in his eyes.

Maybe it was the current of electricity that had pulsed through both of them and had met at their joined hands. It was powerful. So powerful that it stopped Emma in her tracks.

She stared up into those deep blue eyes as they watched her in return.

“We leave within the hour.” That was his response to the reaction. To tell her that he was leaving.

Emma spared him her look of questioning for only a second longer. And then, without another word, she pulled him over to the bench that was only feet away.

“Sit down.”

And he did so with a huff. No other objection besides that.

“What is it, love?” he asked, a mock smile crossing his face. “Do you have more exciting news for me before my departure?”

“Don’t be an ass,” she said, flopping down beside him. It was because she could. She couldn’t help the giddiness that she had felt.

It was different this time. It wasn’t because she had avoided something that this alternate reality had thrown at her. No. It was because this time she was going to succeed where previously she had failed.

That giddiness was quickly swept away as she looked at him beside her. It was replaced by a sincere need to stop the games and show him how much he meant to her.

“You were right,” she told him again. It was soft and pure. And it made her smile.

She knew that Killian wanted to play the part of a man who had no wager on the outcome, but it was somewhat faltering. His eyes were drawn down to her lips. He was watching her closely, barely leaving the hunger and want at bay.

Emma saw the swallow that was quickly followed by the lick of his lips.

“What was I right about?”

She liked when his voice got thick and husky.

“I do have a choice.”

Killian met her eyes then, a look of questioning across his face.

“And I choose you.” She noticed her own hint of huskiness in her voice. But it was centered around emotions of finally being truthful and honest on all fronts.

His face faltered. His gaze falling first on her lips and then off to the side. His fingers left his lap and lifted just a few mere inched and towards her.

He wanted to touch her, to make her real. Emma knew.

His fingers reached for a curl that rested over her shoulder. They had almost reached her, before his hand pulled back. His eyes met hers again.

“Graham?”

Confirmation before he let put his heart out there for the world to see.

Emma watched the strain and the tension that marked his face. She had almost lost him. And for what? Because she had feared to live her life as her own. Because she had put everything above her own happiness.

“I told him this morning,” she told him softly. “I told Graham that I didn’t want to be with him. I told him that there was someone else.”

Killian’s eyes were darting across her face, listening and taking every bit of her in.

“So you don’t have to go,” Emma whispered. “You _can’t _go.” And she moved closer to him, her knee bumping against his.__

His hand moved again. Cautious and slow, they raised to a spot in between them. Then he stopped.

“I love you.”

Killian moved then. His fingers carding through a mass of her hair and bringing her closer to him.

Emma’s eyes closed at that feel. It had been so fleeting before. She had needed him, had wanted him, but she hadn’t known if he would stay. And now…

“I love you, too.”

She opened her eyes for just a second. It was pure and there for her to see. The love that they had denied for far too long.

“I know.”

There was only a hint of a smile. It was as if he was unsure at giving her his all, even if those words had been spoken.

It didn’t last long.

Killian threaded his fingers through the thick strands, letting her hair fall loosely between her fingers. He met her eyes then, wide and completely open.

Emma waited, feeling her heart beating out of her chest. She waited for him to move. She waited for him to accept all that she was offering.

Those fingers tightened in her hair. Pulling her towards him, Killian also followed.

At the instant feel of his lips against hers, Emma’s eyes fell closed.

It was a simple peck. Lips against lips that, in turned, became smile against smile.

Emma moved closer, bringing her hands up to encase his head. She liked the thickness of the hair that she found right there at the nape of his neck. Her fingers curled right there at the base.

Another peck. Longer this time.

Killian’s thumb trailed down her cheek as he kissed her again. Firmer this time, bringing her all the closer.

It was like making a memory, the way he kissed her softly. His mouth finally opening over hers. Closer and closer until they couldn’t be any closer.

Emma gave in to her moan.

Those brief kisses had been the simmer to the now boiling hot open mouths that tangled with each other.

She loved the way his tongue invaded her mouth, claiming and conquering hers, while at the same time, his hand caressed and molded over her face.

Her fingers ran deeper into the thick mass of hair at the base of his neck.

She’d almost lost this. She’d almost lost out of her chance to have this with him. With Killian.

And that was a fact that would no longer be lost on her. Emma’s arms twisted around his neck, bringing her even closer than she had known possible.

“I love you.”

This time there was no hesitation. There was only a moment to watch in wonderment of the gift they were surrounded in.

“I know.”

Emma smiled against his lips.

“I love you, too.”

“You’re not leaving.”

Killian was slow to turn to look at the boat behind him.

“Damn.”

Emma looked over as well. But she didn’t care about the small crew that would be upset by the fact their lives would remain in Storybrooke.

“You should have taken care of this a lot sooner, love,” Killian said, turning back to her. “It would have saved me a lot of excess trouble.”

He smiled while his fingers came up to lift her chin.

“ _Will _they be angry?”__

His smile grew. “Not enough that they won’t get over it.” Those fingers tightened to cup her cheek. “And if there is one thing that you should have learned from this, it is that you can’t live your life in hopes of making someone else’s easier.”

And that _was _something that she had learned.__

Emma’s eyes fell on his. Through the playful tone, she saw the seriousness of what this moment had been for them.

She found herself at a loss for words. But, as she moved to bring her mouth back to his, in that moment she knew she didn’t need the words. Because he knew. Just as well as she knew.

Emma’s lips ran softly over his, and she felt the sincerity and need and love in his return.

Losing Killian had not been an option she would have let herself create.

Kissing him slowly, drinking in every sip of what he had to offer her, Emma never felt more content in her life or in her future.

She loved him- loved the way her hand felt running through his hand, loved the way the columns of his neck felt against her palm, loved the way his heart beat profusely under the tips of her fingers.

Emma’s free hand flew to her own chest. The rapid beat a familiar tattoo. So familiar…

She smiled against Killian’s lips.

What she had said to Graham had been true.

The familiar beat pulsed under both her hands in unison.

It was true. Her heart had always beat for another. But who knew that it was also in perfect unison?

It was confirmation.

And she would never back away from her destiny again.


	5. Epilogue

**Two years later… ******

A new baby meant another limb on her _convoluted but one of a kind _family tree. It also meant joy and happiness. And that was something that this family would never turn down.__

Emma looked back one more time at the dozing baby boy and his dozing parents. It was the only reason why she was leaving the hospital. Mary Margaret had just given birth two days ago, and David had been home with a toddler who had been running him ragged while it was just the two of them. So when they all had the chance to catch up on a bit of sleep, she saw no reason to interrupt it.

It was a genuine smile that crossed her lips. She could not have been any happier in that moment. Well maybe. If she could get home to her own family. Emma opened the door as quietly as she could and left out of the room. As the door hit her back, she took in a deep breath.

The whole scenario reminded her of her recent past. There had been so many changes in her life. So many good things had happened in those brief years since she had first made her way to Storybrooke. It was a life she never knew that she could have. It was one that she thought was never meant for her. And now… Now she had more than she could have ever hoped for in all those years she was alone.

“Swan.”

The call of her name instantly grabbed her attention.

“Killian.” She watched as he moved down the hallway towards her.

“I missed it?” he asked, sounding a bit surprised by that fact. “Did I miss visiting hours?”

He was here for her, she thought with a smile. He was here for her family. Her parents had just had another baby, and Killian was here because he was a part of that family as well.

“Ah, they’re all asleep,” she told him once he was in front of her. And she took in the man that she loved with all of her heart. She felt as that heart began to swell from all that love.

“Well no need to wake them then,” Killian noted as he moved even closer to her.

There was a glint in his eyes, and Emma supposed that there was something behind that devilish smile.

Her eyes narrowed on his. “What?”

Killian shook his head. “Nothing at all love.” His arm came around to hook around her waist and that smile spread.

It felt really good being in his arms. So good, it was only natural to lean up against him.

Two years. It was like it happened in a blink of an eye. Things were changing. Things were growing. And she couldn’t be happier.

“I can’t believe my parents had their third kid.” She looked up at him, her eyes expressions of her disbelief and surprise.

“But you’re still the only princess,” Killian pointed out. “How lucky for Mary Margaret.”

Emma moved out of his arms. “Well maybe she would have liked to have her second chance at a daughter.” 

“Emma, why would…”

“The chance to raise her is all,” she said with a shrug. “I wouldn’t have minded not being the only princess.” Her eyebrows came together as a thought dawned on her. “I am the last girl. Ever since I was born, every addition has been a boy.” Emma moved then, beginning to walk away from her mother’s room.

“That does not have to be a permanent situation, love.”

Her fingers were caught by his as he made his way back to her.

There was a stain of red that crept up into his cheeks, and it made Emma smile at his sudden blush.

“The line doesn’t end here is what I mean,” he continue. He smiled right back at her. “I’m sure that down the line this family will see its share of the new blood of babes.”

Emma didn’t know why, but there was this warmth of something flowing through her. And it was because of him.

“Oh, sure,” she agreed. “And the way that Mary Margaret and David are going, I’m pretty sure of it.”

His fingers tightened around hers, and his head bobbed in a nod. “It is certain to be likely, aye.”

Emma smiled. “Are you ready to go home and relieve Henry of his babysitting duties?”

“To that of the precocious young prince? It’ll be … an eventful afternoon.”

She could agree with that.

“Love, I have something to ask you.” He stopped them in their tracks. His voice was a bit grave.

Emma watched him closely, waiting for him to spill whatever was on his mind.

“And what is that?”

Killian looked away from her, his attention being drawn to the other end of the hallway.

“Not here.” His gaze met hers then. “Dinner? Tonight?” He smiled suddenly. “For our anniversary?”

It made her smile grow. Before him, before this- all of this- she hadn’t had occasions to celebrate on an annual basis. Two years sounded pretty nice. Pretty good.

“Okay.”

It was the intensity that she found in his eyes that had made her curious. Just what did he have up his sleeve?

“Good.”

“Well,” she said with a sigh, “let’s go home.” 

As his arm came to wrap around her shoulders to hold her close, Emma held on tight to his waist. 

This was just the beginning of the day. She had a good feeling about how things were going to go. Holding on to Killian securely, they made their way to home.

****

“Our first date.”

It looked the same. The patrons at the bar and the man behind it. The single candle on each checkered-clothed table.

It even smelled the same. There was a strong aroma of Italian sauces and even wine in the air.

Emma’s smile was soft as she took her seat at the table.

“Very nostalgic, Killian,” she said with raised eyebrows. She watched as he moved around to his own side of the small and intimate table.

It wasn’t their first time back, but for some reason, tonight reminded her very much of that special night. Maybe it was Killian’s demeanor. Maybe it was in the way he smiled at her as if she were the only woman in the room. Maybe it was the barely there nervousness that he had exuded.

Those blue eyes were bright, and there was just a hint of mischief in that grin.

“A two-year anniversary is a big milestone,” he reminded her. And that grin seemed to grow as he shed himself of his jacket.

“Especially after all the hell that comes to Storybrooke,” Emma murmured quietly. “It’s a miracle that we’re alive at all.”

That comment earned her a grin as Killian settled himself into his seat.

“The dangers and adventures that come with being a resident of Storybrooke, Maine.” His smile softened then as he watched her with dancing eyes. “The villains are far from being the only upheavals to be experienced over the years.”

And then that gaze locked on hers. There was something strong commanding about that stare.

No, it had not always been the easiest trek. Two years! Two years? There had been a fair share of ups and downs. But they had always pulled through. They had always been able to count of each other for strength and companionship. And… Emma wouldn’t have wanted any life other than the one she had now.

“I think we’ve weathered our fair share and have made it surprisingly through all the better for it,” Emma said amusingly, striving for a light tone.

“Aye, love.” Killian reached across the table for her hand. “I wouldn’t have wanted it to go in any other way.”

And it made her smile again. Because his thoughts were so close to her own that it almost made her heart ache.

His hand closed over hers. It was a secure feeling. His hand warm and strong- just like the rest of him.

Emma could have watched him forever. Her fingers tightened around his in the same way that his did.

It was the way his eyes wouldn’t leave hers. It was the way his teeth scraped over his bottom lip. It was the slight tension in his fingers as they closed over hers.

“What is it?” Emma asked, a slight smile crossing her lips because she didn’t know how exactly to reach his body language.

Killian leaned back in his seat, dragging her hand along with him.

“I thought that I could wait- to put it off until at least mid-dinner.” His shoulder raised in a shrug. “But it might now be possible.”

His statement left her curious. She offered him the tiniest of smiles as she looked him over.

“What are you talking about, Killian?”

His eyes moved from hers to somewhere at her side. She watched as he gave a single shake of his head.

Emma turned and saw that there was a waiter who was quickly changing his direction at the request of Killian.

“Emma?”

She turned then, and found him solely watching her.

“What is it?” she asked, feeling a bit out of sorts.

“Going to see your parents today made me realize something,” Killian told her. 

And for the first time since they had walked into the restaurant, he seemed a little bit more like himself. More self-assured. More aware.

“What did going to see my parents make you realize?” she asked, truly curious because that trip had been cut fairly short. 

Killian moved closer to the table then. 

It was going to be life-altering, his next words. Because he was intense and…

Emma couldn’t put her finger on it, but it was something.

“Seeing your parents,” he said with a slight frown, “made me realize that something is missing in my life.”

“Well it can’t be the lack of adventure,” she teased. Her eyes moved over his face to take him in. “What?” Maybe it was her own nervousness getting to her. But she wanted to know. She wanted to know where his head was at.

Killian sat up straight in his seat, pulling his hand from hers. He was watching her with such an ease now, and it only made her all the more curious.

“I realized that I’ve loved you for three years,” he said matter-of-factly.

It made her smile, the easiness in which he’d made that discovery.

“And,” he continued, his voice growing strong with conviction, “I have yet to ask for your hand in marriage.”

It was beyond astounding. Emma felt the drop of her mouth, leaving it wide open as she watched him pull the ring from his shirt pocket.

“Emma Swan.”

_He was seriously asking… ___

“Will you marry me?”

****

The knock at the door was a surprise. With lips pursed, she glanced around the apartment once more before she moved to see who it was. 

Everyone should have been on their way to her parents’ home actually. The new mommy of baby number three would be home any minute. And as far as she knew, everyone was supposed to be surprising Mary Margaret with a quick hello and a happy greeting to the new prince who was still yet to be named.

Emma grabbed at the door. It was just for a second, as she caught sight of her hand, that she paused. A small smile lit her face. Shaking her head, she tightened her hold on the knob and pulled.

He stood there, looking at her as if there was a lot of explaining to be done. Firm lips sealed a single line, and his eyes had a glare of expectance.

It took Emma by complete surprise. 

“Graham.” She wondered what her face looked like at that very moment. Her eyes blinked him into focus. “I… wasn’t expecting… to see you.” 

Not right at her door. And maybe not ever. At least she hadn’t expected him to ever seek her out. Not after….

Not surprisingly, after their marriage had ended, her career as deputy had also ended. It had been an impossible situation. It also gave her a chance to get back to her roots. Storybrooke had become a magical place. It was an easy adaptation of former deputy/sheriff, former bails bonds person. Private investigator had been a good fit.

Graham took a small step forward. He was still outside of the doorway, but was pretty close.

“I heard that congratulations are in order.” His gaze seem to travel down to her hand.

Emma’s eyes followed his, and they settled on the engagement ring that fit so perfectly on her finger.

“News travels fast, doesn’t it?” she muttered softly. With a sigh, she looked back up at him. “That’s very sweet of you.” Because, in a way, she guessed that it was. Even though there was a part of her that was still wary of his being there. “Thank you.”

And then there was a moment when that apprehension faded away. Her trip back in time had saved a man who she had cared so much for. And even if… fate or something else had thought they were a magical and fairytale-like love story which had turned out to be wrong, she still cared about him. Even if she had broken his heart because she had needed to follow her own true path, he was still a vital part of her world.

“What about you?” she asked softly. She looked at him, took him all in, tried to read him. “Are you happy?”

Graham offered a half-smile. His eyes softened just a bit.

“I’m in a good place in my life right now, Emma,” he assured her. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Was she worried? Well, she felt that she was responsible in some way- whatever those feelings might be.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Emma whispered. And she was. There was a sudden ease of tension she hadn’t really noticed before he’d said that.

“Are you?”

Emma tilted her head to the side and gave him a questioning shake of her head.

“Happy, that is,” he clarified.

Her eyes blinked again. 

“I am.” Her smile was sudden. Easy. True. 

She was engaged to the man that she loved. The man who she was meant to love and be loved by. The man who was her partner in every meaning of the word.

Yes, she was happy. Beyond happy.

“Then I am happy for you, Emma,” he told her. It was firm and it rang true.

Emma looked up at him, watched him close as he did the same to her.

“Thank you.” It was slow. Unsure. “Um…”

“I didn’t mean to make this awkward,” Graham cut in. He could probably sense the unsureness that was coming off of her. “I only came because…” He shook his head. “I needed to let you know that I was okay.” He smiled then, followed by a short laugh. “Not that I am a priority of yours. But our pasts our intermingled together. I… just wanted to let you know… that I’m okay.”

It let Emma almost speechless. She knew that he wasn’t thrilled at the fact that she had left him for Killian and was now about to have that family he thought was supposed to be theirs. But she wasn’t so vain as to think his whole life revolved around her. So he accepted his explanation at face value.

“I’m happy that you are okay, Graham,” she told him softly.

Graham nodded once more. He was staring into her eyes. Well, just a moment longer.

“I’m going to get out of here now,” he told her as he began to back away.

“Are you… going to my parents’ house?” she asked quickly. And was suddenly hit by the memory of another time her parents were celebrating the life of their baby. The night everything had turned for them as a couple.

Graham shook his head. “No .But please, give them my love.”

Emma nodded. “Ok.”

“Goodbye, Emma.” And with that, he slowly turned around to make his exit.

She watched for just a second longer. She then moved, stepping back into the apartment.

It was an odd circumstance. It wasn’t that she had needed his blessing or had needed him to be okay. But if she could be happy, and also know that Graham was okay, it was only a bonus.

Emma smiled to herself. Yes, her life was really _really _good right now.__

With a sigh, she shook her head. There was no more time to fantasize about her almost perfect life. She had a party to get to.

****

The office was small and a bit cramp, but it already felt like home. She was done working out of the apartment. Killian had been right. She had needed her own space to attack her cases. Her own space where she could delve into work and not have it be a part of her work life as well as her home life. So…

Emma picked up the large box that had been stowed away in the closet while she had been away on the best trip ever. It landed heavily on her desk and accompanied by a loud thud.

Her face day back to work, and she was more than ready.

She wasn’t stepping on the toes of the law enforcement of Storybrooke. No, she had her own thing going. And she was being prosperous.

The light above her head caught in the engagement ring. It grabbed her attention immediately. 

She loved that that ring was no longer alone on her finger. The wedding band that lay in front of it only seemed to enhance the beauty of the first ring. 

_Mrs… ___

She head the door as it opened in front of her.

When Killian walked through that door, eyes shining and smile beaming, Emma felt her heart give a start. He was carrying yet another one of her previously filed away boxes in his arms. It was quickly deposited on the desk by her.

_Her husband… ___

It was still new, but it was never going to get old to say or even think about.

“You look beautiful today, Mrs. Jones,” Killian said brightly. 

Emma felt the light caress of his body against hers. It did something to her stomach. _Butterflies. Her husband gave her butterflies… ___

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Killian,” she whispered as she felt the soft and gentle touch of his lips against her cheek. He had turned her into someone who had needed. She had needed all of him. Forever. Never did she want to know a life without him. Not that she always wanted him to know just how dependent she was on his love in her life…

“What are you doing here?”

“Do I need a reason to visit my wife?” he asked teasingly. He placed another kiss on her cheek as his hands widened over her hips.

“I guess not.” Emma turned around into his arms, letting him hold her tight. Her own hands slid across his strong arms, loving the feel of them under her skin.

“I only wanted to make sure that your first day back since the return from our honeymoon is going rather smoothly.” His own hand roamed freely over her bottom. “And, the truth of the matter is, my love, that I missed you already.”

Her arms tightened around his neck. Her smile couldn’t be hidden, because she understood his sentiment completely.

“I am yours now,” she reminded him softly. “So there really is no need to miss me.” Her lips brushed against his in a whispered kiss. And the heat that rose between them was instant.

No, she was definitely ready to get back to work. So she couldn’t let him distract her in the way she was currently getting distracted.

“I’d love for you to stick around,” she told him, moving out of his arms and back to her box. “If you’re on your best behavior.”

Emma heard his grunt of concession, although he moved right behind her and kept close.

“If that is what you wish, then I am all yours as long as you need me.”

She looked over her shoulder and him and offered just the tiniest of smiles. If he only knew. She needed him forever. And the fact was that she _did _have him forever.__

_Butterflies… ___

“Good,” she whispered. “I want you to stay.”


End file.
